“Oh, the places you’ll go…” (Photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #353 – It’s Graduation Season! (What’s the best/worst/favorite advice for grads?)
It’s graduation season!
And after this pandemic-year-of-all-years, I’m wondering once again…what’s your best/worst/favorite advice for grads?
A quick stop in the greeting card aisle is going to render some pretty trite examples:
Follow your dreams…
Find your calling…
Pursue your passion…
My partner, James, and I often joke that there should be a “realistic” greeting card section with blunt advice, obvious statements, and realistic responses to really hard situations (“Heard your cat died…that sucks!”).
Why is it that we need to talk in hyperbole when wishing students well for the future? (Especially this year’s class…graduating after a senior year spent in a worldwide pandemic!)
Why not think about what we needed to hear — or wouldn’t listen to — when we were in that same position ourselves?
Our world is moving faster than ever. Today’s graduates have more options than any other generation before. Their world is much bigger and wide open than any other time. They were born into the internet, social media, and missions to Mars…
…and they’ve already seen their own share of chaos, unrest, instability, and crisis.
There’s no telling what opportunities or challenges the next year — let alone ten years, or just the rest of THIS year — will hold for them.
And yet, some things will remain the same: their secret wishes for themselves, that thing that lights them up on the inside, the values they hold most dear. In short…their “why.”
So…rather than give vague advice and pleasantries, why not share what you really know?
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Share what you really know! This year of all years, what is the best (or worst) advice for graduates? What was it that you needed to hear — or didn’t listen to — when you were graduating? Can you find a way to talk about these things with a recent grad — without talking down to them? They are smarter, more experienced, and more overwhelmed than you think. Most might be relieved just to have someone truly interested in helping them build their future, rather than just telling them “how it is.” This week, reach out and share what you really know: the good, the bad, and even the obvious!
Even better? LISTEN to what they have to say! They may have some great advice of their own to share!
Spread Happyness — share your best (or worst) graduation advice in the comments!
Week #352 – Father’s Day is June 20th! (Remember: The best gifts start with an “F!”)
Each May, I like to give you a heads-up that Mother’s Day is just around the corner. Well, June is just about underway and we’re all probably more than a little distracted with re-opening and Summer planning.
So I wanted to take another moment a week earlier this year to repeat my public service announcement to those of you who are celebrating Father’s Day:
PLAN AHEAD!
But before you run out and buy another necktie or coffee mug or latest gadget, take a moment to stop and think about what the man in your life really wants.
I have to be honest, getting answers was like pulling teeth. While over 50 ladies responded within hours of my Mother’s Day question, I had to ask the guys three separate times — and then only received answers when another guy intervened on my behalf. (Why is that, guys?!)
Like the ladies, most guys don’t want something that can be bought in a store. And while staying at home or doing nothing may have made the top three in years past…THIS year may be decidedly different.
Still, it might help to start with the “Four F’s” when discussing how the men in your life want to spend THIS Father’s Day:
FOOD, FUN, FAMILY, and a FRIGGIN’ NAP!
FOOD: From morning until night — most dads responded with some sort of food request: breakfast on the deck, donuts, waffles, burgers on the grill, ice cream in the fridge, and beer in the cooler. Rather than buy your dad something on Amazon, head to the local grocery store instead and pick him up the makings of a king-sized breakfast (eggs, bacon, sausage, pancakes, waffles, OJ, and coffee), a deli lunch (fresh bread, sandwich fixings, side salads, chips, cookies, and deli pickles), or a Grill-fest dinner (burgers and dogs, ribs and chicken, or steaks and potatoes). Make sure you back it up with his favorite dessert — you know, the one just for him (even if the kids don’t like it!).
FUN: While outside activities have gained popularity this past year — ballgames, movies, and inside activities are all back in business! If there’s been something fun that’s been put on hold too long — now might be the time to reintroduce it! Dads do want to have fun! (As long as they’re with the ones they love!)
FAMILY: In almost every category (except one, see below) — the dads I heard from all wanted to spend time with their families! Laugher, cuddles, and a few “I love you, dads” don’t hurt either!
THE NAP: Moms aren’t alone in their request for a little extra sleep! Napping was the number one response I received from dads, too! Extra sleep goes a LONG way! Make sure you get some on Father’s Day!
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Father’s Day is June 20th! Do you know what the man in your life really wants? Use this list to jump start the conversation! Let HIM create the honey-do list for the day! Work out a list that includes things each member of the family can check off: food, family, fun, and that all important NAP! Just like Mother’s Day, the most important thing is to PLAN AHEAD! And if it is a necktie or another coffee mug — wear it or drink from it in good health!
[A big THANK YOU to all the Dreamers & Builders who took the time to respond to my poll — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]
Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD! And share YOUR Father’s Day ideas in the comments!
Now I know it’s not officially Summer yet…but this year of all years, I feel the need to jump the gun!
Because for the next THREE MONTHS — while adults are busy making up for lost time planning their kids’ summer fun — they are likely to overlook their own!
And I want to make sure YOU have some fun this summer, too!
After a year of tension, restrictions, and various stages of shut down that kept many of us close to home and on the edge — we’ve certainly learned the value of “free” time. And that doesn’t necessarily mean unscheduled time…because a lot of us had that, and it wasn’t necessarily fun!
As the world re-opens, we’re all going to have more things to do, to see, and to get done this Summer. Let’s take some time right now to make sure they are the right things: the things that brings us joy, the things that bring us fun, and ultimately — the things that bring (and keep) us together!
We’re all in a rush to “get back to normal.” Let’s all make sure that the “normal” we return to is the one we want to keep! 😉
Remember: the best way to teach others to have fun — is to have fun yourself!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Create a Summer Fun List! At this point, we have a full three months ahead of us before Labor Day 2021. And while I know some of you may groan at the reminder that summer is limited…the seasons serve to remind us that time is precious and fleeting. And not just with weather…but with life. We never know what tomorrow, or next month, or next year will bring (haven’t we learned this!). Don’t let it pass you by…make this the summer you take that trip, cross off that bucket list item, make that leap, try that thing, get serious about that project, or just get plain silly! Start a list, brainstorm with the family, share it with friends! And report back — because it’s no fun to keep all the fun to yourself!
“Remember to Remember” (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #350 – REMEMBER: Keep the “Memorial” in Memorial Day!
Greetings, All — and Happy Friday!!!
Can you believe it’s here?! Another Memorial Day Weekend — and a re-opening of epic proportions for most of the country!
It gives a whole new layer of meaning — and appreciation — of the word “freedom.”
This post has been an annual repeat — because it’s always a good reminder to keep the “Memorial” in Memorial Day!!!
As always, but especially this year, it’s important to remember the origins of this date and to honor those who gave their lives in service to this country.
Memorial Day, for certain, is a day set aside to remember those who died serving our country. But before it was called “Memorial Day” — it was called “Decoration Day” because it was a day when families reunited at burial locations to “decorate” the graves of their fallen. And because many people traveled very far to get there — they would relish the opportunity to visit and reconnect with relatives, usually accompanied by a pot-luck or picnic supper nearby.
Relish.
Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Especially this year, as many of us will spend time freely and comfortably with friends and relatives we haven’t seen in a very long time…seems our modern traditions of family reunions and barbecues are not really that far off.
It’s the REMEMBERING (and DECORATING) that we sometimes miss!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Keep the MEMORIAL in Memorial Day! Enjoy your family, the weather (nice or not), and the very real freedom we have (even if you still feel limited at this time) — just remember to REMEMBER! This may mean simply raising a flag, bringing a note or flowers to a grave of one who lost his/her life in service, or writing a name in the sand for all to see. You could make a donation, plant a tree, or lay a wreath at the base of a statue. Even after the day is past, the flowers fade, or the ocean wipes the shore clean — you never know how long your tribute will stick to the walls of someone else’s memory!
How will you keep the MEMORIAL in Memorial Day?!
Spread Happyness — share your thoughts or ideas in the comments!
Seven years ago today my brother Rob (to whom this blog is dedicated) received what no one wants to hear: a prognosis.
Someone, based on years of training and expertise no doubt, rendered their best guess as to how long he might be able to survive what was happening to him.
They were wrong. Way wrong. And not in the right direction.
I keep this date on my calendar as a reminder that, indeed, our days are numbered.
MY days are numbered.
In my 20’s, I used to think in terms of ten year and five year goals. I used to make lists about what my 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s might look like.
And then I hit my 30’s, and I just started thinking about that next decade.
Today…I still dream. I still make plans. And I still have lots of lists…things to do, places to go, people to see, stuff to accomplish.
But one big thing has changed: I don’t count on it.
This may seem fatalistic but hear me out.
Life has thrown many of us for a loop this past year. And I don’t mean that in a general global pandemic way (although that’s very true). I mean it in a specific, hits-close-to-home, what my friend/mentor Kathi Lipp calls “The Pandemic-AND” kinda way:
The Pandemic-AND:
job loss
sudden move/change in housing
loss of a friend/family/coworker (not necessary due to Covid)
change in life goals/plans
disruption of once-in-a-lifetime celebrations (proms, graduations, weddings, births)
financial setbacks
career setbacks
health setbacks
relationship setbacks
This past year has taught us not only how fragile we are as humans — but how futile our very best laid plans CAN be. (CAN be…not necessary WILL be.)
Does that mean we don’t plan? No.
Because there is significant research that supports the relationship between happiness and planning ahead.
I think what it means is that we plan anyway. Maybe we plan more carefully. We plan more wisely. We may even plan for contingencies.
But we plan anyway. Because planning gives us hope. And hope give us life!
So make your plans! Enjoy them! And if — alright, when — life throws you another curveball, you take your best shot.
Because planning to hit a curveball, is still a plan! 😉
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead is once again this quote from JoCheryl Holcombe:“So, when you think of those you love and it feels like you have forever, just remember you don’t, but then again, YOU DO! Make this life matter, our soul is the only thing we take with us when we are done…it’s worth tending, it’s worth making meaningful deep connections and living each moment in the fullest most meaningful way. BECAUSE everything can change in a holy instant “ (JoCheryl Holcombe via Facebook on 11/15/17 after losing several family members in a mass shooting in Sutherland Springs, TX)
You can still see JoCheryl’s public message on FB here.
Spread Happyness — “Make voyages. Attempt them. There is nothing else!” (Tennessee Williams)
Because this year, once again, you may not be able to just pick up the phone to make any old reservation. So I’m reminding you NOW to take a moment to think about what the ladies in your life REALLY want.
And I’m not talking about jewelry or clothes, purses, or perfume either — since money may still be tight, demand is high, and shipping times may be long.
When I polled over 50 ladies in the week prior to my original post, I asked them:
What do you REALLY want but are afraid to ask for?
The answers may or may not be surprising — but one thing is for sure: very few of them can be purchased at the mall or served in a restaurant.
(Which is a good thing…because those may not be great options again this year.)
Mother’s Day remains one of the most stressful days on the restaurant calendar in a normal year…and this year might be even more stressful due to staffing shortages and remaining protocols. It is never a good day to make last minute plans or assume your favorite restaurant can accommodate your party of 14 for brunch.
If the lady in your life LOVES to dine out, check in with them early to see what they are offering — and be sure to ask about special to-go menu options that could help you celebrate with a larger party outside or at home, or a gift certificate for a future date or night out.
If not, take heart — and listen to what REAL MOMS told me they REALLY want on Mother’s Day:
For Starters – Extra Sleep: this may mean sleeping in, a nap during the day, or an undisputed and early lights-out. Most of all — moms want sleep! (Especially moms who’ve been busy homeschooling their kids this year!) – Time Alone: moms have a difficult time asking for this because they love their families — but next to extra sleep, all moms expressed some desire for time alone to read, watch TV, swing in a hammock, putter in the garden, work on a project, or just finish their morning cup of coffee. From just a few extra minutes of solitude to 48 hours away from home — moms want a little time that’s all their own! (A super nice bonus for moms who’ve been on top of their families and unable to get away since mid-March of 2020.) – Peace & Quiet: over and over again, moms longed for a day of no fighting, fussing, stress, or strife. This is a good day for kids to practice their best behavior — dads too! (Especially after a fully year of all that togetherness!)
The Main Course – Spa Service/Pampering: This may be a big one this year! Meals are big part of any occasion — but most moms I first polled wanted some sort of pampering. This year, a massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, or full service may be a much-needed and well-earned gift. By now many services are fully open…and it will be a welcome spa-day when it happens! (Just be sure to find out her favorite places — or get a recommendation from a friend!) – Special Dinner at Home: The year I took this poll, most moms said they’d prefer to eat a meal at home — they just don’t want to be responsible for planning, preparing, and cleaning up after it! If you decide to treat mom to a home-cooked feast — just be sure you are prepared to take care of everything right down to taking out the trash (and if you order out, order early)! Cleaning up someone else’s mess is not a gift! – Time with Family: I know, I know — moms said they wanted time alone, right? Well, they also want time with their families. Just gathering everyone under one roof, for one day, could make your mom’s year — especially this year when so many families have kept their distance out of love and caution! – Gardening & Yard Supplies/Help: Several moms mentioned gardening and yard supplies, and a little help getting things done! One of the most entertaining accounts was of a family that gathered to weed and plant while the mom sat in a chair and gave instructions! – Stuff: A hammock, flowers, something pretty, something tasty, a movie night, or a scuba diving excursion later in the year when travel is back to normal — there is still a desire for presents, but not always the ones you’d expect! (Don’t be afraid to ask!)
SWEET STUFF – Handmade Cards/Projects from Kids: Above all, moms cherish those little creations made by tiny hands! Engage the kids in a project for mom (preferably while they are out of the house so mom can read, sleep, pamper, putter, or binge watch her favorite show in silence!) – Loving Note from Husband/Significant Other: Several moms mentioned that they love to hear from their husbands/partners on Mother’s Day. Just a few words of acknowledgment and appreciation go a long way (but not always all the way…so no strings attached guys, okay?). – A Simple Thank You: Two words that mean more than anything money can buy!
EXTRAS: It’s hard to make a list of things NOT to do — but over and over again, moms expressed the desire for a day that included: – No Chores (ideally done for her, not left for Monday morning!) – No Decisions (mom might like someone else to take the reins today) – No Requests (a day without question marks would be delightful) – No Fighting (for one day, please! You can do this!)
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Mother’s Day is May 9th! Do you know what the mom in your life REALLY wants? Use this list to jump start the conversation! Present her with a home-made menu of options and have her circle her favorites. You might even be able to multi-task to make sure she gets a little of everything she wants throughout the day. The most important thing, especially this year, is to PLAN AHEAD! Please don’t leave it to the last minute. You have more than a week!!!
And if it is a restaurant meal — please make your reservations/place your order now (and be sure to take care of the staff that takes care of you… chances are it’s their Mother’s Day too.)
Above all: Remember that Mother’s Day is available every day — not just once a year!
[A big THANK YOU once again to all the Dreamers & Builders who took the time to respond to my original poll — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]
Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD! And share your Mother’s Day ideas for THIS YEAR in the comments!
PS: I realize that for some, Mother’s Day is not always the happiest of holidays — and this year may have complicated things further. Death, disagreements, disconnection, or decline can bring about mixed emotions. If this is you, you are not alone. Many women reported similar feelings in a normal year, let alone a pandemic. Their advice? Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people (while physical distancing, of course!), or in the things that you really want for yourself!
“Support a Caregiver!” (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #344 – Support a Caregiver!
Greetings all — and Happy Friday!!!
This week is a call back to Week #212 — because I know more than one of you who are dealing with caring for (ok, wrangling) parents, siblings, kids, or grandkids as we take this long road back to “normal.” (Or whatever that means!)
Caregivers are all around us…and while some are professionals, most are very likely family members who have stepped into the role of caregiving for an aging parent, a sick loved one, or a special needs child.
Most likely, this person makes it all look very easy…like they are some kind of natural.
And perhaps you feel like you wish you could do more, but aren’t sure what to do.
You can. And there is.
Because even if a caregiver you know has all the bases covered, all the plates spinning, and everything perfectly in balance — there is still one thing you can do:
You can give some care to him/her!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Support a Caregiver! Be on the lookout this week for someone you know who is providing care for someone else. They’re probably very used to answering questions about the person they care for…but why not ask him/her how THEY are doing? How they are holding up? Are they getting enough sleep? Enough to eat? Enough time to relax (or maybe even have some fun)? Are their responsibilities covered at home/work? What might they want or need…or what else is going on in their lives?
And then, if you want to, ask how you might help?
Caregivers are a special breed — be on the lookout for one this week and offer your support!
(And if you’re a caregiver…I would love to hear from you!)
Spread Happyness — share your thoughts in the comments!
This week I’m reflecting on where we were a year ago…and where we are today.
Across the country (and around the globe) — adults are getting back to work, kids are getting back to school, and the economy is getting up and running. Yet one question still remains:
What exactly was “normal” anyway?
Do you even remember what your “normal” looked like before mid-March last year? And how much of that do we want to keep, anyway, in our “new normal?” Here’s a few questions I asked just weeks into the shutdown:
What is it that you miss most about your “old normal?”
What is it that you DON’T miss at all (be honest)?
What things do you wish you had in place when we went into shutdown?
What is your plan to make sure you bring these with you into your “new normal?”
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Re-Define “Normal.” Most of us have been in some form of shut/slow-down for over a year already. Even in the strictest parts of the country things are finally re-opening…and there seems to be a real light at the end of the tunnel! When you are given the green light to go back to work, back to school, or back to whatever it was you were doing before…what about this experience, if anything, do you want to take with you into your “new normal?”
Stay safe. Stay healthy. And as always…Spread Happyness!
The world is opening up this week. It’s spring, Passover, Easter, easing of restrictions…
Time to bust forth, right?
Time to get out there and do it all!
Except…do you remember the lessons of this past year? What it has taught us?
That there is certain kind of freedom in restrictions, that there is a whole lot of yes inside each no, and that it doesn’t take much to make life really good…?
Right?
Ease out. You don’t have to do everything all at once. You don’t need to be in places that make you uncomfortable, or with people that make you uncomfortable. If this year has taught us anything, it’s who our people are. Stick with them.
Nature doesn’t open all at once. She reveals herself slowly, day by day, easing out, then soaking up. Easing out, then soaking up. So too, with our re-emerging this spring:
Ease out. Then soak it up!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead:Ease out. Then soak it up! Allow yourself an easy transition this spring. Even better, encourage it in someone else. The world doesn’t need to open wide like a Black Friday door-buster. We have experienced a great collective grief (and for many, flat-out trauma) this past year. Like the flowers of spring, give yourself time to reach for the sun…and bloom!
Week #337 – Lower Your Expectations (Stick with me…it’s not what you think!)
Greetings Tribe – and Happy Friday!!!
This idea has been on my heart all week…and I know it sounds a little controversial but stick with me, because it’s not what you think!
I had a dentist appointment recently in the middle of this pandemic. Los Angeles is still largely shut down and while things are opening…they are opening very slowly and with great caution.
My dentist is no different. As front line workers they’ve remained open. But there are new procedures in effect. New policies. New restrictions. New precautions.
You know what’s not new?
His level of service.
In fact, I would argue that with the stricter policies came an even HIGHER degree of service than normal. Given all the precautions, they took the time to turn UP their service and professionalism (not dial it back).
Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Over and over again, we’ve all heard the familiar disclaimer while we wait on hold, stand in line, or face delays with things that weren’t a problem just a year ago:
“Due to Covid…”
Yes, due to Covid. Things may take longer, they may be more complicated, they may be slower or more deliberate. I work in service, so I know. We’ve had to jump through a lot of hoops to get things open and running, balancing the need for safe AND speedy.
You know what hasn’t changed? The need for accuracy and professionalism.
This pandemic has tested us, it’s strained us, it has pushed some of us to our limits and beyond…but it shouldn’t compromise us. We can lower our expectations, while maintaining (or even raising) our standards…with ourselves, with each other, and with the people around us.
Let’s not let circumstances be an excuse for bad behavior (this goes for me, too!). When the going gets tough…when the world tells us to lower our expectations, it might be a good time to raise the bar!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead:Lower your expectations (but raise your standards!) Whatever challenges life throws at us…whether they be personal problems, public problems, even a global pandemic…take a moment to draw the distinction between expectations and standards. Expectations are messy…they are the things the world, our jobs, or maybe even our relationships set for us (spoken or unspoken). Your standards are ones you set for yourself…your boundaries, your limits, your ability to perform, to follow through, to be professional, or to exceed!
Spread Happyness – Raise the bar (for yourself and those around you)!
