Monthly Archives: March 2019

Week #237 – “We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!” (An annual remembrance of Cindy Tedesco)

Halloween 2008 (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #237 – “We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!” (An annual remembrance of Cindy Tedesco)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I can’t close out March without remembering and reposting my Week #132 blog for Cindy Tedesco — a family friend and friend to SO MANY others, who passed away two years ago on March 23rd after a nearly 5-year battle with Ovarian Cancer.

She was young.  Too young.

As word of Cindy’s passing spread, and her Facebook page filled with condolences, I was reminded of a blog post she wrote in March of 2015 that was published on the ihadcancer.com website.  (You can read Cindy’s post in its entirety here.)

Cindy was so proud to write and share her story — and I was so happy for her when it was chosen.  When I shared her post on Facebook the day it published — I wrote that Cindy was a true warrior.  Not simply because she survived — but that she chose to THRIVE.

One of the things I most appreciated about Cindy was her honesty about her battle.  She shared openly about the highs, the lows, the anxiety, the grief.  But she also shared her joy and exuberance for life.  The day-to-day moments that made her life precious: meals with her husband, time with her cat, days at the beach, new haircuts and shoes, painted nails and toes, afternoons at her pool, and emojis!  Oh…the emojis!  Cindy left no stone unturned.

Perhaps because she knew there was no time.

Cindy’s last line in her post sums it up perfectly:
“We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!”

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Chose to THRIVE!  This is trite — but life is not a dress rehearsal.  You are on a stage all your own.  Step out.  Share honestly.  Spend time doing the things you love, the things that make you laugh, the things you want to be remembered for.  Our time is short…sometimes shorter than we imagine it will be.  Chose to THRIVE!

Thank you Cindy, once again, for sharing your life openly and honestly with all who were lucky to know you.  And to Cindy’s family, friends, loved ones, coworkers, and Teal Sisters — my continued condolences to you all.  There are some losses we never get over…we just have to go on, broken-hearted as we are, and live as they would want us to — fully.

Spread Happyness — remember Cindy, tell YOUR story, and chose to THRIVE!

3/29/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

(Cindy’s post is referenced with permission — and originally appeared on IHadCancer.com.)

Week #236 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)

I-40 West at Sunset (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #236 – To Life!  (Happy Spring!)

In addition to welcoming Spring this week, James and I are celebrating three years since our somewhat abrupt move to Los Angeles. And so, as I do from time to time — I’m looking back to see what was on my mind, and what I can learn from myself three years later.

So here’s a repost from Week #80…I hope it speaks to you the same way it is speaking to me this week. Enjoy!

[Repost: Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)]

As many of you know, I spent the last three weeks packing, driving across the country, and moving into my new apartment in Los Angeles.

It was a fast move.  And it’s been disorienting to say the least.

What is usually a very grounded time for me…vernal equinox, full moon, end of the first quarter…has been nothing short of tumultuous.  In addition to the physical disruption of moving, I have had to grieve the losses of a location, jobs, people, and neighborhood pets I loved — and in the separation from those places and venture into new experiences, re-grieve the loss of my brother all over again.

Every day on our drive across the country there was yet another moment of wanting to text, to call, to share a story, to laugh at some ridiculousness.

And every day we were faced with the enormity of the void.  The eternal void.

It was enough to make me want to turn around and go back home.  Put everything right back where it was…and stay in the bubble that he left behind.  Because as empty as it is — or was — at least it was his!

And as I ventured west, there was an uncomfortable openness.  Not just in the physical terrain — which was amazing.  But in unanswered questions.  Endless scenarios about how this will all play out.

And yet one thing remained the same…I couldn’t go back.  I had only one direction to go…and that was absolutely and undeniably forward.

There is an old saying that life is for the living.  This is hard for grieving people — because while the resolve is there, it is our nature to want to hold on to the person (or pet or job or house) we lost.

As we enter into Spring — and a whole new quarter — I’m resolved (updated to add: again!) to let go of things.  I’ll be starting with physical things as I move in and continue to clean and declutter my new space.  But there are emotional and psychological things to purge, as well.  And I’ll be working on them, too!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: CELEBRATE SPRING!  Whatever dust may have collected over your things, your body, or your being — shake it off this week with some spring cleaning.  Open the blinds, open your heart, and open your grip on the things you are clinging to.  Try some new things out for size.  Shake up your routine.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Ungrounded can be uncomfortable — but LIFE sometimes needs a little time and space in order for it to take root!

TO LIFE!!!  TO LOVE!!!  TO HAPPYNESS!!!  

Happy Spring!!!

Spread Happyness – share your favorite Spring Cleaning strategies in the comments!

3/22/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #235 – “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk…)

“Mmmm…coffeee.” (photo and capuccino by Grace Church)

Week #235 – “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk…)

Greetings, Tribe — and Happy Friday!!!

Can you believe it’s already March 15th?!  I have to be honest…I can’t believe it’s already Friday, let alone the middle of March!

It has been a non-stop week of busyness for me…which always leaves me fantasizing about the luxury of a long, lingering lunch or coffee or movie with friends (3 hours and 20 minutes to be exact…we saw The Godfather Part II).

Which reminds me of this post from Week #137: a week someone invited me to coffee…and I accepted!

[Re-post from Week #137: “Grab a coffee!”]

I have to be honest…I don’t socialize much.

It’s not because I don’t want to.  Between odd working hours, night-owl status, and the love of quiet time — I just don’t get out during the day a whole lot.

And…I’m not too good at it.

Which means I don’t do lunch, coffee, or even happy hour nearly as often as I should!

But this week…someone invited me to coffee.  And despite every cell of my being wanting to run home to the next project on my to-do list, I accepted.

And you know what?  It was really nice!

Ever notice how really hard it is to make friends as an adult?  Everyone is so busy with kids, work, husbands, wives, elderly parents, or soccer/baseball weekends.  It leaves very little time for adults to get to know each other.

I don’t even have kids and this is true for me.  Many of my adult friends have been made through work.  Sweating and stressing side-by-side has a way of bonding people!  (You also have the added bonus of learning about people’s character before you venture into social engagement with them!)

Meeting up with an (almost) complete stranger to “grab a coffee” was a challenge.  Would I be interesting or funny enough?  Would it get too heavy?  Would I talk too much?  Not enough?  Would I ask the right questions?  Would we have to talk politics?  To be honest…it was uncomfortable.

Which is exactly why I did it!

I work with strangers every day…and have no trouble talking to the random guy on the train, the lady at the grocery store, even getting critical notes on my work.  But to sit down and have a conversation just for the hell of it?  That’s a whole different thing!

But I’m so glad I did!

Swapping stories with someone about who we are, what we do, how we got here, what we’re working on, and where we’re going — it helped shake up my own perspective.  Not just of myself — but others.  To spend time listening, engaging, asking questions, and sharing experiences — it not only connected me to another person, it re-connected me to myself.

And that might be the most important coffee date of all!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk).  Find someone this week that you’d like to get to know better — and grab a coffee!  It could be a coworker, a neighbor, another parent from school, or a seat mate on your commute home.  Yes, it might be awkward…but give it a try!  Set a time limit, have some place to go, or only so-much-money in the meter…but don’t back out!

Your invitation, just like mine, might be the only one that person receives in a long time!

Spread Happyness — grab a coffee (or a movie…or a Jamba Juice as this turned out)!  And share your stories in the comments!

3/15/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #234 – Four Years, Six Months: “Ride the wave!”

GoPro-1a

“Forever Young!” (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #234 – Four Years, Six Months: “Ride the wave!”

Greetings, Tribe — and Happy March!

This past Tuesday, March 5th, marked four and a half years since Rob died.  It may seem weird to you that I keep track of these dates…but Rob is always there to remind me that time is precious and fleeting and not to be wasted.  Not one unhindered breath.

And so, I want to repeat this post — because he has a way of reminding me of my own words:

“Just ride the wave.”

“Ride the wave” became a sort of mantra during Rob’s funeral.  I had written it on the back of his car in window chalk…because it was the last thing I said to him.  He was fighting so hard.  And having no words, no answers, no nothing for this perfectly healthy and beautiful young man with everything to live for…the only thing that came to mind was a surfing analogy.

But the words are not mine.  They are wise words that came to us from an experienced screenwriter friend as we were riding the rapidly changing highs and lows of our first script going out to market.  Our friend is a surfer too, and it was a language we immediately understood: you can’t control the outcome, just the effort.  Skills, preparation, determination, focus…those were all on us.  After that, just “ride the wave” the furthest and best you can.

It became a mantra for us when facing difficulties or challenges: “Just ride the wave.”

Surfing was a language that Rob understood, too — and it can teach you a lot about life.  You don’t just run out and jump in hoping for the best.  There’s a lot to learn before you get that first ride — and there’s a lot more practice after that in order to do it even moderately well.  Like most things Rob picked up, he took to it almost immediately — and enjoyed it immensely.  And his happiness became our happiness, too!  (You can ride waves of happiness, too!)

Are you — or someone you know — facing a wave right now?

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: “RIDE THE WAVE!”  Like the waves of the ocean, we can’t always control the conditions in our lives.  You can try to go over them, under them, around them…or get knocked down by them.  Or you can RIDE THE WAVE.  With a little practice and preparation…you can be ready to paddle in when the wave comes to you.  Perfect conditions or not…we can only control our responses.  The enjoyment and fulfillment is in the ride itself!  (And it’s helpful to remember that wipe-outs are legendary, too!)

Whatever you’re facing…you’ve got this!  Paddle in, pop up, and ride that wave!  

Spread Happyness — and RIDE THE WAVE!!!

3/8/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #233 – Happy March! (And Cheers to New Beginnings!)

Springtime at the Jersey Shore! (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #233 – Happy March! (And Cheers to New Beginnings!)

Greetings — and Happy March!!!

February was a cold one!!!  As the rest of the country sat in a pretty solid deep freeze for the past few weeks…Los Angeles wasn’t all sunshine and beach weather.  Not only have we had record rainfall…we also experienced the coldest February on record for decades!!!

Which made that first 60-degree day feel pretty darn good!

And while some of you may still be buried in snow, it’s a good reminder that Spring is right around the corner!  Daylight Savings Time, the Vernal Equinox, and the first day of baseball season…they all arrive this month!

Which has me thinking about this photo of the first sight of crocuses popping through the mulch at the Jersey Shore…which lead me to a post I wrote in April 2015 (Week #27).

In that post, I recalled a phrase that Rob used to say to me: “Let the balloon go, Grace.”  He was talking about worry (and sometimes needling me about my stuff) — but it has stayed with me as I look around at the things I’ve held on to, the time it has taken to think about it all, and the time it will take (either now or later) to “do something” about it.  Even if that means ultimately just throwing it away.

As I approach the three year anniversary of our sudden move to Los Angeles…I’m forced to evaluate how far I’ve come, where I’m going, and what might be standing in my way.

And the fact that I’m still largely unpacked from that move tells me a lot.  As many of you know, I have trouble parting with things.  But not unpacking is something else.  It’s hard to hold on to the past and grab on to the future at the same time.

So this year, this magic year three, I find myself at a cross-roads.  There is no going back, really.  Only forward.  And that’s going to require a lot of letting go!

Do you have things that you are holding on to that might be holding you back?  Is it emotional clutter — like anger, resentment, grief, loss, a mistake, a regret, a secret, or simply a missed opportunity you are punishing yourself over?  Or maybe it’s physical things that are standing in your way?  Or a toxic relationship that is stealing your joy?

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: To New Beginnings!  March is a great time to open up space for new possibilities!  This month — join me in releasing whatever is holding you back.  Clean it out, declutter it, give it away, let it go.  Find a release ritual to help you “let those balloons go” and open your hands to what’s possible.  Here are some ideas:

(But whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT release real balloons into the air…they are only a metaphor!  And otherwise very bad for the environment!)

  • Write it down – then burn it (safely please!), flush it, float it out to sea, send it down a river, sink it in a lake, or bury it in your garden.  Write your NEW intention on a fresh piece of paper and keep it front and center as something for you to build on, rather than something that tears you down.
  • Throw/Give it away – in past decluttering sessions, I’ve found it helpful to keep a tally of how many items I’ve thrown away, and in some instances even take photos of those items (and share them only with the closest of friends or small group).
  • Love it — enough to let it go!  Sometimes the last thing we need to do to release something is to love it, to accept it, to acknowledge its importance, and to be honest about its role in our future.

They say to love something is to set it free.  I remind myself of this over and over as I sometimes grasp too tightly to things past.  I know full well I must open my hands so that they are free to do my best work: the work ahead of me.  The work of Happyness!

What do you need to let go of so that your hands are free to do YOUR best work?

Spread Happyness — and share your Release Rituals in the comments!

3/1/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com