Week #468 – On Grief and Happyness (Reflections at the Nine-Year Mark)

Nine Years and Counting…from the final pages of my “Grief Book” hopefully coming in 2024!
(photo courtesy of Gina Buongiorno)

Greetings Happyness Tribe — and Welcome Back to Week #468!

Someone asked me recently if I was always in such a good mood. Was I always this “chipper?”

I remember pausing as the answer bubbled up in my head. It was probably not the answer this person was expecting to hear but, in true blunt girl fashion, I let it fly:

“You carry enough caskets, you learn what a good day is.”

Yep. I could tell by the look on this man’s face that he was not expecting that…so I quickly segued into idle-er chitchat and let that tidbit disappear into the dust of his confusion.

Hey, ask a stupid question…

But you? You’re still here to listen…and for that, I thank you!

So, back to the question: how many caskets is too many? Well, one was enough for me! One long heavy walk in the soft grass to the shimmering shade of an unexpected, sudden, and very final resting place on a beautiful September day. That moment makes any “mood” pale in comparison.

Now, back to the interaction: the reality was I had probably just said good morning to this guy, or made eye contact, or smiled. Maybe I even meant it. I don’t remember exactly what “mood” I was in…because my mood was not the point. Our interaction was.

It’s been nine years since Rob died. Nine years since SpreadHappyness was born. In that time I’ve gotten a lot of feedback. Most of it positive. But I’ve also had people question my authenticity, my mood, my motivation, or the meaning behind the blog itself. (And for the record, I’ve questioned these things myself!)

For me, it all comes back to this…it takes getting dirty to know what clean is. It takes chaos to appreciate order. Problems to define peace.

In my case, it takes grief to know Happyness. That’s why I misspelled “Happyness” in the first place. (“Why”…get it?) Because this is not the kind of manic, superficial, or “toxic” happiness you’ve heard about. Any feeling can be toxic if you push it on someone else or shame them for feeling it (oh, the irony). This is knowing pain, knowing hurt, knowing grief…and choosing Happyness anyway.

“Because cancer isn’t the only thing that can spread…Happyness can too!”

So for me, every day that I’m not carrying a casket is a good day. For you, it might be something different. Whatever light you have, let it shine. And if it’s through the cracks of grief or pain, well then…may it shine even brighter!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Keep Shining!!! When someone asks you, “are you always this chipper?” — tell them the truth! Let them know about the cracks that make it a good day for you. (I hope they listen!)

To life! To love!! To Happyness!!!

9/01/23 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

2 thoughts on “Week #468 – On Grief and Happyness (Reflections at the Nine-Year Mark)

  1. Jennifer

    I love this so much. “It takes getting dirty to know what clean is” is such a powerful statement. In my own life and in those I work with, getting “clean” and out of chaos takes work, and it’s so vital to celebrate all of it. The good, the bad, the sad, etc.

    Love your energy and that we’re reconnected neighbor!

  2. Anne Wright

    Grace, I loved this after the feelings of loss surfaced. A family at church suddenly lost their 24 year old suddenly is so difficult. Breakfast the start your day….your son died in.motorcycle accident. Now, they need to deal with the additional feelings of their son going to fast! It was his felt but what if? If he was going slower the car might not have struck him..
    Jason and Chris have been centered in my heart and thoughts for weeks

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