The Most Precious of Memories (another great photo by Gina Buongiorno)
Greetings Happyness Tribe — and Welcome to Week #624!
I’ve shared many photos of my brother…but this is one I’ve kept to myself all these years. Some memories have to last a lifetime…and this one was going with me to the end. Because truthfully, I never thought I’d see that smile again.
Not his…mine.
I’ve learned a lot about grief in the past twelve years…but the most profound lesson has been that grief takes WAY more than the person (or people) you lost. It takes the person you were when you were with them. And that can be a hard climb when it comes to the ones we loved and liked and could let loose around the most!
This past year I’ve gotten glimmers of this girl again…and every time I see her, I remember the things that made her smile like that. The big wave, the warm welcome, the asking how I was doing (and meaning it).
(Not to mention the profound silliness around him all…the…time!)
It’s been twelve years since Rob left us…and five years since I stopped blogging weekly.
I stopped because in the wake of the pandemic and the unrest that followed, there were voices that told me that Happyness was toxic. That positivity was tone-deaf. And that empowerment might even be considered privileged.
Silly me…I listened to every else’s voices, except mine.
Yet every anniversary, I managed to post a yearly reflection:
Week #416 – A Year Without Happyness (Reflections at the Eight Year Mark)
Week #468 – On Grief and Happyness (Reflections at the Nine-Year Mark)
Week #521 – Regret and Happyness (Reflections at the Ten-Year Mark)
Week #572 – Defiant Laughter (Reflections at the Eleven-Year Mark)
But last year, something changed. I started doing stand-up and started hanging out with people who all had stories: sadness, setbacks, trauma, fear, insecurity, grief, and all sorts of limiting conditions, beliefs, and hang-ups.. And you know what…it didn’t stop any of them from spreading happyness.
Quite the contrary,
The darkness is exactly what drove them to find the light. To poke holes in the very thing that holds them back, stands in the way, says “Why you?” and “Who do you think you are?” And then, to share it with others so they laugh at it in agreement and say, “Yes! Me too! I thought I was the only one!” It wasn’t denying the darkness…it was acknowledging it and laughing anyway. I hash-tagged it “Defiant Laughter” — and it stuck!
But the best part was…I started hearing my own voice again. (When they hand you a microphone that kind of thing is bound to happen!) Stand-up requires me to tap into my stories, my situations, my experiences. And since comedy is all about perspective…it starts to force you to have one and say it out loud! That’s the whole point!
So go ahead…call it toxic, or tone-deaf, or even privileged…
…because I call it healing.
It’s been six hundred and twenty four weeks since that first post…and I’m still fighting for Happyness!
Who’s laughing now? (Hey bud, I think I found my smile again!)
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: What’s Missing? Was there a sudden loss, life change, or even a growth opportunity that left you missing a part of yourself you never thought you’d see again? Is there a place you can go (in your head, heart, or home) to get a glimmer of it again? Hold it close, keep it precious, and don’t give up hope. You may get a glimmer of it again…and that person/place/thing that you loved and lost will be right there in those new memories too!
To life! To love!! To Happyness!!! (And to ever more Defiant Laughter!)
9/04/26 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com