Week #242 – Mother’s Day is May 12th! (And here are a dozen ideas that DON’T involve reservations!)

Greetings Tribe — and Happy May!

This is my yearly PSA from Week #85to remind those of you who are celebrating Mother’s Day this year:

PLAN AHEAD!

But before you pick up the phone to make a reservation, take a moment to think about what the ladies in your life REALLY want.

And I’m not talking about jewelry or clothes, purses or perfume.

I polled over 50 ladies in the week prior to my original post, and asked them:

What do you REALLY want but are afraid to ask for?

The answers may or may not have be surprising — but one thing is for sure: very few of them can be purchased at the mall or served in a restaurant.

Mother’s Day is one of the most stressful days of the year in restaurants.  It is NOT a good day to make last minute plans or take your party of nine to try a new place.  If the lady in your life LOVES to dine out, and everyone is up for behaving, being on time, and figuring out the bill without her help — then by all means make your reservations now!

(But if that’s the case, you’ve probably already done that!)

If not, take heart — and listen to what REAL MOMS told me they REALLY want on Mother’s Day:

For Starters
– Extra Sleep: this may mean sleeping in, a nap during the day, or an undisputed and early lights-out.  Most of all — moms want sleep!
– Time Alone: moms have a difficult time asking for this because they love their families — but next to extra sleep, all moms expressed some desire for time alone to read, watch TV, swing in a hammock, putter in the garden, work on a project, or just finish their morning cup of coffee.  From just a few extra minutes of solitude to 48 hours away from home — moms want a little time that’s all their own!
– Peace & Quiet: over and over again, moms longed for a day of no fighting, fussing, stress, or strife.  This is a good day for kids to practice their best behavior (dads too!).

The Main Course
– Spa Service/Pampering: Meals are big part of any occasion — but most moms I polled want some sort of pampering.  A massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, or full service — ladies love to be pampered.  (Just be sure to find out her favorite places — or get a recommendation from a friend!)
– Special Dinner at Home: While some do want to go out, most moms said they’d prefer to eat a meal at home — they just don’t want to be responsible for planning, preparing, and cleaning up after it!  If you decide to treat mom to a home-cooked feast — just be sure you are prepared to take care of everything (or maybe just order out)!  Cleaning up someone else’s mess is not a gift!  😉
– Time with Family: I know, I know — moms said they wanted time alone, right?  Well, they also want time with their families.  Just gathering everyone under one roof, for one day, could make your mom’s year!  (Oh — and maybe ONE good picture of everyone!)
– Gardening & Yard Supplies/Help: Several moms mentioned gardening and yard supplies, and a little help getting things done!  One of the most entertaining accounts was of a family that gathered to weed and plant while the mom sat in a chair and gave instructions!
– Stuff: A hammock, flowers, something pretty, something tasty, a movie night, or a scuba diving excursion — there is still a desire for presents, but not always the ones you’d expect!  (Don’t be afraid to ask!)

SWEET STUFF
– Handmade Cards/Projects from Kids: Above all, moms cherish those little creations made by tiny hands!  Engage the kids in a project for mom (preferably while they are out of the house so mom can read, sleep, pamper, putter, or binge watch her favorite show!)
– Loving Note from Husband/Significant Other: Several moms mentioned that they love to hear from their husbands/partners on Mother’s Day.  Just a few words of acknowledgment and appreciation go a long way (but not always all the way…so no strings attached guys, okay?).
– A Simple Thank You: Two words that mean more than anything money can buy!

EXTRAS:  It’s hard to make a list of things NOT to do — but over and over again, moms expressed the desire for a day that included:
– No Chores (ideally done for her, not left for Monday morning!)
– No Decisions (mom might like someone else to take the reigns today)
– No Requests (a day without question marks would be delightful)
– No Fighting (for one day, please!  You can do this!)

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Mother’s Day is May 13th!  Do you know what the mom in your life REALLY wants?  Use this list to jump start the conversation!  Present her with a home-made menu of options and have her circle her favorites.  You might even be able to multi-task to make sure she gets a little of everything she wants throughout the day.  The most important thing is to PLAN AHEAD!  Whatever she wants — don’t leave it to the last minute.  You have a week!!!

And if it is reservations — please make them now (and be sure to take care of your servers… chances are it’s their Mother’s Day too.)

Above all: Remember that Mother’s Day is available every day — not just once a year!

[A big THANK YOU once again to all the Dreamers & Builders who took the time to respond to my original poll — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]

Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD!  And share your Mother’s Day ideas in the comments!

PS: I realize that for some, Mother’s Day is not always the happiest of holidays.  Death, disagreements, disconnection, or decline can bring about mixed emotions.  If this is you, you are not alone.  Many women reported similar feelings.  Their advice?  Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people, or in the things that you really want for yourself!

[This post originally appeared on Week #85.]

5/3/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #241 – The Hope in Happyness

Last week I wrote about seeking beauty in ashes…with a challenge that no matter what setbacks, disappointments, or less-than-ideal circumstances came our way in the week ahead, to practice cultivating an attitude of possibility about the outcome.

And then, I found myself in the midst of one of the most challenging weeks I’ve had in a while!

I kept thinking about the irony of having written such words…and then finding myself feeling a little bitter and frustrated over some circumstances I was facing.

But the words from one of the latest episodes of Ricky Gervais’ show “AFTER LIFE” (on Netflix) kept ringing in my head:

“Happiness is amazing. It’s so amazing…it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not.”

If you haven’t yet watched the show…I highly recommend it. Ricky Gervais plays a recent widower who’s lost his wife to cancer and simply can’t imagine going on without her. Dark…yes. But in a charming way (as only the Brits can do)…and funny. Very funny.

Because it’s true.

There is something about losing all hope that makes it so very hard to find for ourselves — even when it’s right in front of us. If that’s where you are — that’s okay. Sometimes life knocks us off our feet. And flat on our backs. And maybe we just want to stay there for a bit.

But when you’re ready…look around, and find someone to help you up. Someone who’s loved and lost, someone who’s tried and failed, someone who’s been knocked down and got up again. And let them share their hope, their happiness, with you.

(This is what a dear friend of mine calls her “Personal Board of Directors” — and it’s a brilliant idea!)

Happiness doesn’t have to be yours…it just needs to be.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: There’s Hope in Happyness! If you are having a bad week…maybe especially if you are having a bad week…reach out to someone who knows your pain and ask them to share their hope with you. And if you are the one who has walked through the fire and found yourself on the other side…there is someone out there who needs to hear that story this week.

SpreadHappyness — Seek and Share Hope this Week!

4/26/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #240 – Seek Beauty in Ashes

In one week — we’ve experienced a career comeback like no other, a devastating fire, and are poised to celebrate two religious holidays that are rooted in the concepts of freedom and new life.

In each case, everything seemed hopeless. Tiger was too old, Notre Dame too far gone, and bible stories…well, they’re impossible (right?).

And yet, each persisted. Tiger pressed on. Notre Dame will be rebuilt. And the traditions of Passover and Easter survive thousands of years later.

There is something persistent about HOPE.

Don’t get me wrong…I’ve experienced total loss. I watched a perfectly healthy human being become perfectly dead in no time at all. I’ve seen first-hand the devastation of hurricanes at the Jersey Shore. And I lived in Manhattan during 9/11.

Even now, as I write this, I teeter three stories high in the middle of earthquake country.

The potential for loss is always available to us…and yet, there is something in us that reaches for hope in the face of it Each and every time.

Take stock in your losses, whatever they may be. Big or small — honor and grieve them. And then, when the time is right, straighten your shoulders and set your sights on finding the beauty in the ashes.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Seek beauty in ashes! Whatever setbacks, disappointments, or less-than-ideal circumstances come your way this week — practice cultivating an attitude of possibility about the outcome. One way to do this is to take time to process the setback (also called a post-mortem) — or to ask yourself what the best possible outcome might be, or what gift might be buried in the rubble. In some cases, it may be too soon to ask these questions or play these games — but practicing with small stuff now makes it more likely these thoughts will be accessible when you (or someone you know) needs them the most.

SpreadHappyness — Seek Beauty in Ashes this week!

4/19/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #239 – “Honor and Remember…”  (Who can you remember this week?)

As April unfolds…we, as a family, are faced with many of the memories and dates that correlate to Rob’s initial diagnosis and first admittance to Sloan.

But I’m also reminded of the kindnesses we received…and the celebration of Life that is April in general!

One of those kindnesses I mentioned in Week #31. A former Sunday school friend contacted me to let me know she had donated Easter flowers to her church to decorate the sanctuary for Easter Sunday.  She included a photo of the bulletin where Rob’s name was listed — and she wrote to me, “just my way of honoring & remembering your brother this Easter…”

It was one of the most beautiful and reassuring things I’ve received.  I hadn’t asked her to do it or made a plea or mentioned it would be nice — she just remembered him, acted on it, and shared it with me.  It brought me such comfort to know that we are not alone in our remembering…others are remembering too.

So, what’s the importance of “Remembering?”

Grief or trauma or loss or tragedy can leave individuals in very lonely places.  To have someone just acknowledge the gap can mean so much.  It has me thinking about ways I can do better…remembering the silent scars of others, celebrating a life, sharing a memory, or contributing to a donation or memorial.  To let someone else know that they are not alone…that I was there.  That I remember, too.

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: “Honor & Remember” someone or something this week!  Make a donation, plant a tree, buy a booster for your local athletic team or drama club, leave a note, place a stone, or send a card.  Take action in the name of someone or something else…then SpreadHappyness and let someone know about it!  Let someone know they are not alone…that you were there, you saw it, experienced it, and remember it…too!

SpreadHappyness — Honor and Remember someone this week!  

4/12/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #238 – Catch someone doing something RIGHT! (File a compliment!)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I was reminded this week of how nice it is when someone takes the time to catch you doing something right (instead of wrong)…and reminded me of my post from Week #194:

In some industries complaints are just the default setting.  Customers often feel encouraged to grouse in order to “get something for free” — or entitled to something extra when things don’t perfectly go their way — or they just want to complain to complain.  We’ve all been on one end or the other.

But how often do we take time to write a thank you note, pay a compliment, or publicly praise someone for doing the right thing?

Social media has made it easier than ever to complain about bad service or call out individuals/companies that let us down.

The things is…it’s just as easy nowadays to say something positive!  🙂

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Catch someone doing something RIGHT! Has someone delivered for you?  Did they come through in a pinch, perform with flying colors, or go above and beyond to make sure you had a good experience?  Better yet, have you had to stand by and witness someone handle a difficult situation with grace and ease? If so, call them out on their GOOD BEHAVIOR…and file a COMPLIMENT!

(And businesses/employers…if you receive compliments, be sure to share them with your staff just a readily as you would a complaint.  It doesn’t hurt to reward your top performers, either!)

Spread Happyness — file a COMPLIMENT this week!

4/5/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

Week #237 – “We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!” (An annual remembrance of Cindy Tedesco)

Greetings Happyness Tribe!

I can’t close out March without remembering and reposting my Week #132 blog for Cindy Tedesco — a family friend and friend to SO MANY others, who passed away two years ago on March 23rd after a nearly 5-year battle with Ovarian Cancer.

She was young.  Too young.

As word of Cindy’s passing spread, and her Facebook page filled with condolences, I was reminded of a blog post she wrote in March of 2015 that was published on the ihadcancer.com website.  (You can read Cindy’s post in its entirety here.)

Cindy was so proud to write and share her story — and I was so happy for her when it was chosen.  When I shared her post on Facebook the day it published — I wrote that Cindy was a true warrior.  Not simply because she survived — but that she chose to THRIVE.

One of the things I most appreciated about Cindy was her honesty about her battle.  She shared openly about the highs, the lows, the anxiety, the grief.  But she also shared her joy and exuberance for life.  The day-to-day moments that made her life precious: meals with her husband, time with her cat, days at the beach, new haircuts and shoes, painted nails and toes, afternoons at her pool, and emojis!  Oh…the emojis!  Cindy left no stone unturned.

Perhaps because she knew there was no time.

Cindy’s last line in her post sums it up perfectly:
“We are all on our own stage, and it’s up to us how to act!”

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Chose to THRIVE!  This is trite — but life is not a dress rehearsal.  You are on a stage all your own.  Step out.  Share honestly.  Spend time doing the things you love, the things that make you laugh, the things you want to be remembered for.  Our time is short…sometimes shorter than we imagine it will be.  Chose to THRIVE!

Thank you Cindy, once again, for sharing your life openly and honestly with all who were lucky to know you.  And to Cindy’s family, friends, loved ones, coworkers, and Teal Sisters — my continued condolences to you all.  There are some losses we never get over…we just have to go on, broken-hearted as we are, and live as they would want us to — fully.

Spread Happyness — remember Cindy, tell YOUR story, and chose to THRIVE!

3/29/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

(Cindy’s post is referenced with permission — and originally appeared on IHadCancer.com.)

Week #236 – To Life!  (Happy Spring!)

In addition to welcoming Spring this week, James and I are celebrating three years since our somewhat abrupt move to Los Angeles. And so, as I do from time to time — I’m looking back to see what was on my mind, and what I can learn from myself three years later.

So here’s a repost from Week #80…I hope it speaks to you the same way it is speaking to me this week. Enjoy!

[Repost: Week #80 – To Life! (Happy Spring!)]

As many of you know, I spent the last three weeks packing, driving across the country, and moving into my new apartment in Los Angeles.

It was a fast move.  And it’s been disorienting to say the least.

What is usually a very grounded time for me…vernal equinox, full moon, end of the first quarter…has been nothing short of tumultuous.  In addition to the physical disruption of moving, I have had to grieve the losses of a location, jobs, people, and neighborhood pets I loved — and in the separation from those places and venture into new experiences, re-grieve the loss of my brother all over again.

Every day on our drive across the country there was yet another moment of wanting to text, to call, to share a story, to laugh at some ridiculousness.

And every day we were faced with the enormity of the void.  The eternal void.

It was enough to make me want to turn around and go back home.  Put everything right back where it was…and stay in the bubble that he left behind.  Because as empty as it is — or was — at least it was his!

And as I ventured west, there was an uncomfortable openness.  Not just in the physical terrain — which was amazing.  But in unanswered questions.  Endless scenarios about how this will all play out.

And yet one thing remained the same…I couldn’t go back.  I had only one direction to go…and that was absolutely and undeniably forward.

There is an old saying that life is for the living.  This is hard for grieving people — because while the resolve is there, it is our nature to want to hold on to the person (or pet or job or house) we lost.

As we enter into Spring — and a whole new quarter — I’m resolved (updated to add: again!) to let go of things.  I’ll be starting with physical things as I move in and continue to clean and declutter my new space.  But there are emotional and psychological things to purge, as well.  And I’ll be working on them, too!

Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: CELEBRATE SPRING!  Whatever dust may have collected over your things, your body, or your being — shake it off this week with some spring cleaning.  Open the blinds, open your heart, and open your grip on the things you are clinging to.  Try some new things out for size.  Shake up your routine.  Get out of your comfort zone.  Ungrounded can be uncomfortable — but LIFE sometimes needs a little time and space in order for it to take root!

TO LIFE!!!  TO LOVE!!!  TO HAPPYNESS!!!  

Happy Spring!!!

Spread Happyness – share your favorite Spring Cleaning strategies in the comments!

3/22/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com

“Mmmm…coffeee.” (photo and capuccino by Grace Church)

Week #235 – “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk…)

Greetings, Tribe — and Happy Friday!!!

Can you believe it’s already March 15th?!  I have to be honest…I can’t believe it’s already Friday, let alone the middle of March!

It has been a non-stop week of busyness for me…which always leaves me fantasizing about the luxury of a long, lingering lunch or coffee or movie with friends (3 hours and 20 minutes to be exact…we saw The Godfather Part II).

Which reminds me of this post from Week #137: a week someone invited me to coffee…and I accepted!

[Re-post from Week #137: “Grab a coffee!”]

I have to be honest…I don’t socialize much.

It’s not because I don’t want to.  Between odd working hours, night-owl status, and the love of quiet time — I just don’t get out during the day a whole lot.

And…I’m not too good at it.

Which means I don’t do lunch, coffee, or even happy hour nearly as often as I should!

But this week…someone invited me to coffee.  And despite every cell of my being wanting to run home to the next project on my to-do list, I accepted.

And you know what?  It was really nice!

Ever notice how really hard it is to make friends as an adult?  Everyone is so busy with kids, work, husbands, wives, elderly parents, or soccer/baseball weekends.  It leaves very little time for adults to get to know each other.

I don’t even have kids and this is true for me.  Many of my adult friends have been made through work.  Sweating and stressing side-by-side has a way of bonding people!  (You also have the added bonus of learning about people’s character before you venture into social engagement with them!)

Meeting up with an (almost) complete stranger to “grab a coffee” was a challenge.  Would I be interesting or funny enough?  Would it get too heavy?  Would I talk too much?  Not enough?  Would I ask the right questions?  Would we have to talk politics?  To be honest…it was uncomfortable.

Which is exactly why I did it!

I work with strangers every day…and have no trouble talking to the random guy on the train, the lady at the grocery store, even getting critical notes on my work.  But to sit down and have a conversation just for the hell of it?  That’s a whole different thing!

But I’m so glad I did!

Swapping stories with someone about who we are, what we do, how we got here, what we’re working on, and where we’re going — it helped shake up my own perspective.  Not just of myself — but others.  To spend time listening, engaging, asking questions, and sharing experiences — it not only connected me to another person, it re-connected me to myself.

And that might be the most important coffee date of all!

Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Grab a coffee!” (or a movie, or tea, or a walk).  Find someone this week that you’d like to get to know better — and grab a coffee!  It could be a coworker, a neighbor, another parent from school, or a seat mate on your commute home.  Yes, it might be awkward…but give it a try!  Set a time limit, have some place to go, or only so-much-money in the meter…but don’t back out!

Your invitation, just like mine, might be the only one that person receives in a long time!

Spread Happyness — grab a coffee (or a movie…or a Jamba Juice as this turned out)!  And share your stories in the comments!

3/15/19 by Grace Church
© Grace Church
grace@spreadhappyness.com