Text from Rob on 3/2/14: “Fitness never takes a snow day…”

[Editor’s note: Thanks to all who raised a glass for the first-ever Happyness Hour last week!  Over thirty people joined together at Castaway’s Tavern in Hopatcong — and several others toasted remotely from parts of New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York, Florida, and one very special house-guest-loving-landlord currently on assignment in Cambodia!!!  Two nice big bags of food items were donated to West Side UMC’s food pantry — and a good time was had by all!  Looking forward to the next one already!  Way to go, Team Happyness!!!]

Week #23 – “Fitness never takes a snow day.” (Rob Church)

With all the snow recently…and perhaps the timing of the year…this text from Rob has been on my mind.  He sent it last year on March 2nd.  He was running windsprints at the track.  Many people admired Rob for his discipline…but his workouts were deeper than that.  They were a habit: as natural as getting up, getting showered, and brushing your teeth.  Anyone that knew Rob in high school can attest to the fact that he wasn’t born this way!  But as an adult, he got himself to a point where NOT doing it would be weirder than just getting it done!

Personally, I think of this text every time I head out to run on less than pleasant days.  I like to run outside…and being able to run along the ocean is a very special gift.  Checking the weather is simply not an option.  N’oreaster, blizzard, rain, heat, or humidity…I simply won’t let the weather be a deciding factor for me.  I learned that from Rob…

…and yet…

…I let a thousand things stand in the way of so much else!  I’m in the middle of a big cleaning/decluttering project right now.  A few major job changes, a couple of very busy summers, and more than one significant death in our household…I can track back the piles in my little home office space and kitchen to all of these major life events.  Reasons…maybe.  Excuses…I just can’t let myself get away with it any longer!  No more “snow days” for me, Rob!

What about you?  Are there things you are putting off for when the time is right, the weather is better, or the conditions are perfect?

Your assignment for this week: Pick ONE THING that’s been nagging at you since January 1st…and GET IT DONE this week!  Next Friday marks the end of February — and that means one-sixth of the year will be over.  Don’t let unfinished business take up any more of your precious time and rob you of your future happyness this year!  Trust me, I know it’s hard…especially when the excuses are so easy.  I’m in this with you!  Start small…think of that one thing at the top of your list of to-do’s that you can bang out this week…and get it done!

What habit “never takes a snow day” for you?

Spread Happyness — share your challenges, successes, to-do’s or TA-DA’s in the comments!

2/20/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

PS: Rob would often include silly or nonsensical quotes (accredited to him) at the bottom of his emails to me (he may have done this to you, too!).  I always envied his creativity…and I hope wherever he is, he enjoys being the one I am quoting this week!

Get Happy! (Photo credit: Granny Church)

Week #22 – Come on, Get Happy!!!  (And give some, too!)

I hope you all had a chance to celebrate a “Rob Church Kinda Day” this week!

But if not — don’t despair!  There’s another chance — and it’s tonight at 7:30p ET!

The administrators of Rob’s Facebook Memory Wall have declared the first-ever Happyness Hour tonight — Friday, February 13th — at 7:30p ET!  Friends from all around are invited to gather in person (or remotely) in honor of Rob’s 41st birthday week — to celebrate his life, share stories, and raise a glass to HAPPYNESS!!!

The local event will take place at Castaways Tavern in Hopatcong, NJ (Rob’s home town) — but you are all invited to participate wherever you are by declaring 7:30p tonight YOUR Happyness Hour!

And we’re not just gonna GET HAPPY…we’re gonna GIVE SOME TOO!

At Castaways — we will be accepting donations of food items (specifically canned pasta sauces, peanut butter, and tuna fish) to benefit West Side United Methodist Church’s food pantry,  which serves local families in and around Hopatcong.  And if anyone wants to splurge — they also really need coffee!  For families with limited resources, coffee is a huge budget-buster and an absolute luxury.  A can or two goes a long way to bring warmth and comfort to the adults at the head of those households!

Your assignment this week: Spread Happyness — and pay it forward this Friday!  Whether you are celebrating with us in person — or across the miles — carve out time to make a toast to happyness, and share your experience with us in the comments (or on Rob’s Facebook Memory Wall)!  And then — make a donation to your local food pantry.  Your pantry may have specific needs week-to-week, so check in first to see what items are in demand and add a few of them to your shopping list!

A protein packed lunch, an after-school snack, spaghetti night, or the warm smell of freshly brewed coffee…these things were all central to Rob’s childhood.  With your help, we can be sure they’re part of someone else’s too!

Spread Happyness — and share your Happyness Hour celebrations (and donations) in the comments!

2/13/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

(Photo credit: Courtesy of Gina Buongiorno)

[Today’s message is a very special guest post from the people who knew Rob first!]

February 11th – Happy Birthday, Runt!

WE MISS YOU!!!

Love,
Mom and Dad

Happy Birthday! (Photo credit: Granny Church)

Week #21 – Have a “Rob Church Kinda Day!”

This Wednesday, February 11th is Rob’s birthday.  He would have been 41.  And you know what he would’ve done?

Whatever he damn well pleased!

I’ve celebrated a lot of birthdays alongside my brother…and there are two things I know for sure: He always took the day off from work…and he always did exactly what he wanted to do!  That didn’t always include seeing family, either.  Some birthdays he spent with other people.  Some he spent by himself.  But on that day above all others…he did whatever made him happy.  And that made those of us who knew and loved him happy, too!

For a lot of people, birthdays are a harsh reminder of getting older, losing steam, or giving up on dreams.  Not Rob…last year this time he was running windsprints at the track and told me he felt in the best shape of his life.  Over and over again, he said he was looking forward to his 40’s.

What a kick in the teeth.

Are you still alive?  Still breathing?  Well this week’s assignment is for you (and me too)!

Your challenge for this week: If you could do whatever you damn well pleased…what would it be?  Make a list, start a vision board, or fill a jar with ideas to draw at random.  Then, on Wednesday, February 11th…have a “Rob Church Kinda Day!”  You may not be able to take the entire day off…but set aside time to practice identifying (and doing) something ONLY for you!  Something that makes YOU happy.  Something that lets you hear Rob’s voice — or someone else who you know and love — saying “Good for you!”

With family, work, kids, parents, pets, jobs, PTA, churches, charities, and bills to pay…it’s easy to get lost in doing for others.  If you are waiting for the world to give you permission to take time for yourself…get comfortable!  Take permission instead…and practice doing ONE THING that pleases YOU this week!

Spread Happyness…have a “Rob Church Kinda Day!”  And share your ideas in the comments!

2/6/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

BOFA (photo credit: Vickey Finn)

Week #20 – How about “A Breath of Fresh Air”?

I discovered a message in my “other” in-box last week.  Someone who knew Rob from Ocean Grove tried to find him through Google — and found his obituary instead.  The news was as fresh as it was to so many back in September…and I welcomed the opportunity to chat about him.  As I read the messages coming at me, one phrase in particular stood out: “what a breath of fresh air he was…”

“A breath of fresh air…”  It’s one of those phrases we throw around a lot — but do you ever stop to think about what it really means?  The literal definition is a breath of air (most likely from outside) that isn’t stale or stinky.  Figuratively — it’s a new, innovative, or imaginative approach.  But did you know there is another meaning?  According to American Heritage Dictionary, it also means “a welcome arrival” — replacing the terms “breath of Heaven” or “breath of Spring”.

I found it especially poignant that someone who longed to take just one, long, easy breath — was remembered as a “breath of fresh air.”

Mostly though — it touched a bit of a nerve.  Maybe it’s just that cabin-fevery time of year — but I am suddenly very much aware of areas of staleness in my own life: unpacked boxes, undone to-do’s, and who knows what other unfinished business — all standing in the way of new ideas, new approaches, new arrivals, solutions, or just a clear and happy head (and heart)!

How about you?

Your assignment for the week (and mine): Are there areas of staleness in your life where you need “a breath of fresh air”?

• Cabin Fever — Maybe just a change of scenery is enough.  One of my fondest memories as a teen was when my parents would treat us to a day trip to the shore in the middle of winter.  We weren’t used to seeing it so barren and vacant.  My brother and I would walk the beach, eat lunch on the sand, and take in some much needed sun and salt air.  Take a ride, take a walk, or take a trip…get out from behind those four walls and see something new!
• Indecisive, Confused, Blocked — Are you asking the same people for input, feedback, and advice?  Maybe a new perspective is in order — someone else’s!  Seek out those who have achieved what you want, are on that track, or who know something about the topic at hand (maybe even someone who disagrees with you).  Fresh perspectives are the stone that sharpens the sword…seek them out and leverage them to their full effect!
• Welcome! — Are you rolling out the welcome mat for the right people in your life?  Are they people who lift you up or put you down?  (Maybe you need to put out the “closed” sign instead!)  And what about you?  When you cross someone else’s threshold, are you spreading happyness — or just stale and stinky air?

Get some fresh air this week — and give some in return!  Change your scenery, change your perspective, or change the company you keep.  Happyness in…Happyness out!

Spread Happyness…and share your “fresh air” ideas in the comments!

1/30/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

“That’s right!”  (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #19 – “You are worthy!” (Rob and Nina know it…do you?!)

Rob texted me these words in the week before he died…we were discussing possible overnight arrangements if he needed help.  He was telling me how I would get to sleep on these nice clean sheets…for some reason he added: “You are worthy.”

The words kind of haunt me for many reasons…but mainly it struck a chord very deep.  I’ve long admired people who take care of themselves…people who put themselves first, who aren’t afraid to take a day off, to say no, or even treat themselves to nice clean sheets!  It’s one of the many reasons I liked my brother so much…he knew his worth!  (And he knew I didn’t always know mine!)

Somewhere “worth” is defined by comparison “against” another thing.  For years — like most people — I looked outside myself for the assessment of my value.  We each can pick our poisons: achievement, income, zip code, sales numbers, credits, clients, kids, trophies, travels, shoes…and now with social media we have comments, page views, friends, followers, likes, pokes, and tweets!

Compare, compare, compare…and yet Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy!”  How, then, do we know our worth — and find happiness (or just clean sheets for that matter)?!

Your assignment for the week: FIND YOUR TRUE MEASURING STICKS!  While the most common definition of “worth” leans toward outside measurement — the only true measuring stick is inside YOU!  What are your abilities?  What are you capable of?  Do you value yourself?  Honor yourself?  Keep your promises to yourself?  Live up to your own standards?  Nurture your talents?  Share them with others?  Forget the rest of the world for a moment…how do you measure up to YOU?!

We’re at that point in January — 23 days into the new year — where resolutions are fading.  Do you remember the things you wanted to change/improve/achieve this year?  Don’t let them slip away!  Stand up for yourself!  Pick one thing important to you and follow through!  “You are worthy!”

What do you need to follow through on this week?  Can you encourage or help someone else stay the course or get back on track?

Spread Happyness — and share your thoughts in the comments!  They are worth it!  😉

1/23/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Week #18 – “Roll Me Away!” (What’s your escape song?)

The winter doldrums are setting in…the holidays are over, and we’ve got a long six weeks until March 1st, let alone the official start of Spring.  I can feel it everywhere…everyone wants to escape!

Snowbirds are flying south…resort season is in full swing…summer rental signs are going up…and the B&B’s in town are starting to book for the season.  Even Mother Nature is showing her intent…on Sunday I noticed the trees on Main Street are budding…which got me thinking my usual first-sign-that-spring-is-just-around-the-corner-thought: I really want a motorcycle this year!

My brother introduced me to the song “Roll Me Away” by Bob Seger.  I don’t remember when or why that song specifically came up…but after I got my motorcycle license and we drove around a bit together, I understood why he loved it so much.  Nothing felt so free as riding a bike!  And that song captures that longing for freedom perfectly.

Try as we might…we can’t be perfectly happy all the time.  Longing is a part of the human condition…it’s what keeps us dreaming, keeps us envisioning, keeps us journeying to find out what’s beyond that next bend in the road…and then over those hills…and then out further along that plain…

Your assignment for this week: When you come across something you “aren’t happy about” — don’t just settle for unhappiness!  Identify the longing…and use it to get focused on what you want.  Then, get a theme song to inspire you!  When I was leaving my corporate job, I listened to Boston’s “Don’t Look Back” every single day on my way to work to remind me that my future was AHEAD of me…not behind me!  Maybe for you it’s a workout song…or a vacation-starts-today-song…or an interview song.  Whatever it is, try it…and let us know how it goes!

As for today…”Roll!  Roll me away…I want to roll me away tonight!”  Do you have a longing that needs a soundtrack?

Spread Happyness — share your thoughts or tell us about your “escape” song in the comments!

“Next time…we’ll get it right!”

1/16/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Week #17 – “Warm” Enough?  (Ten Practical Ways to Spread-the-Warmth during this Cold Snap!)

While visiting my parents last week I had some time to go through the many, many cards and letters they received after Rob died.  In all the material I read, one of the most frequently used terms to describe Rob was “WARM.”  Now…warm might conjure up soft images like “warm and fuzzy” or “compassionate” or “caring”.  These are all valid angles to explore…but since it’s cold and my attention span is at about…oh…what was I saying?…I’m going to get right to the point!

Your assignment this cold winter weekend: Put one of these “Ten Practical Ways to Spread-the-Warmth” to work this week!

At Home
1. Start someone’s car!  I know many of you have remote starts but there are still a few of us who don’t!  A warmed up car as you’re running out the door is such a blessing!
2. Leave the porch light on!  Nothing says “I love you” like a well-lit door.  (And nothing says, “Ha ha…I’m warm in here and you’re not!” as you fumble for your keys in a dark entryway!)
3. Boost the thermostat for loved ones.  I know a big, tough, maitre d’ who runs a dining room staff like a Don…and yet he told me he sets the thermostat to rise 15 minutes before his youngest gets up for school so that he’ll have a warm bathroom in the morning.  How sweet is that?!
4. Help carry in the groceries — or volunteer to bring home the food!  Either way, plan meals at home during a cold snap.  This not only saves money…it saves valuable time lost to deciding where to go, going there, waiting for your meal, and then coming home.  And who doesn’t need more time?!
5. Snuggle up with hot beverages and watch movies.  As a family, as a couple, with friends, with pets, or all alone…movie night is always a precious way to stay warm, get a little extra rest, and catch up on all those films that you missed during the holidays and nicer weather!

Outside the House
6. Bring donuts/coffee into work.  Be that guy (or gal) — and expect nothing in return!
7. Put the carts back!!!  (‘Nuff said!)
8. Take care of your gas station attendant.  I’ve lived in places where I’ve pumped my own — and I know how to do it — but man, it sure is nice to stay in the car on a cold day!  Be sure to thank that guy or gal who’s making that possible!
9. Know someone else who works outside?  Bring them a snack or something hot to drink!  (This is also a nice way to win over someone’s heart…just sayin’.)
10. Finally…Move It Along!  If someone who works outside is waiting on you to move or make their job easier (gas station attendant, crossing guard, mail carrier, garbage/recycling pick-up, delivery people, etc.) send a warm message and make a way — or move it along!

Something here ring a bell?  Tried something and it worked?  Other ideas or thoughts to share?

Spread Happyness — and Spread the Warmth!  Share your ideas in the comments!

1/9/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

PS: To everyone who sent all those cards or letters…thank you!  Each one means so much!

Loving Life! (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #16 – Can you say “I love my life!”  (One surefire way to make sure you can in 2015!)

Many of us have been looking back over the past year, reflecting on all the changes, the highs, the lows, what happened, what went wrong, and how we can fix it in 2015.

But it’s hard to love your life when it’s so easy to look back and come up with all the bad things that happened.  Hell — while reviewing my own year I forgot about starting this website and blogging for the first time (something I’ve been wanting to do for years!).  Those two wins got eclipsed (momentarily) by one very significant loss.  Afterall, it’s easy to get stuck on the losses…but we have to balance them with what we’ve gained.  We have to, as our friend Rob Nicholson said in a recent Facebook post, “keep moving forward and celebrate and revel in what we have!”

So I want to do something different.  I want to look ahead…WAY ahead.  To December 31st of THIS year.  It’s only 365 days away.  Oops…364 now!  What will it take to say on that day, “I love my life?”

I know one thing for sure…it will take REMINDERS!

Your assignment this week: Don’t count on yourself to remember everything about the year come December 31st.  Make a plan to curate the wins just as much as the losses.  Come up with a system for recording your achievements, successes, highlights, and otherwise happy times THROUGHOUT the year ahead!  The most obvious way is to keep a dated list — in a journal, on your computer, via email, or on your phone — where you take time each day to review your activities and take note of anything special or significant.  I keep a running list by date and habitually recount the day’s activities.  To be honest, most days it’s pretty mundane — but the habit assures that when something notable happens I’m going to capture and remember it.  Recently though, I’ve seen and heard about some other very creative ideas:

• I’ve seen a Gratitude Tree — write what you’re grateful for on little shapes and fill an inside tree or wall mural up throughout the year (works in classrooms, too!).
• I heard of photo-journaling — use cell-phone photos in a specific file or on Instagram to keep track of accomplishments.
• But my favorite has been the Joy Jar or Happiness Jar!  The idea is simple: you start on January 1st (okay, 2nd) with an empty jar in a prominent location in your home — and you start dropping notes in it throughout the year about things that went well, things that make you happy, things you’re grateful for, achieved, or accomplished.  At the end of the year you have a personal collection of happy memories to review — or immediate access throughout the year when you need a lift to face a challenge!  One woman even collaged them on a monthly basis as a type of word-cloud to record as a journal.

The possibilities are endless — but the idea is the same: make it a point to collect the good stuff!  Because we need more of that.  More focus on the wins.  More focus on what’s right.  More focus on loving our lives — so that we can live our lives more fully.

I want us to say, “I love my life!” in 2015.  I want to yell it together — from wherever we are — at midnight next New Year’s Eve!  And I want a plan in place to do it!  Who’s with me?!

Spread Happyness — share your ideas, thoughts, or suggestions for tracking your accomplishments — or pledge to yell “I love my life!” in the comments!

1/2/15 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

(Editor’s note: The final count is in!  Two individuals were so inspired by your updates and generosity — they donated over 50 individual toys and games to Toys-for-Tots in Netcong, NJ.  This puts our count at nearly 100 gifts — if not over!  I cannot thank you all enough for your generosity, support, enthusiasm, and encouragement for this first attempt to Spread Happyness in a tangible way through this website.  I look forward to finding more ways to Spread the Wealth in 2015!  WAY TO GO, TEAM HAPPYNESS!  I am so proud of you!!!)

#50 (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #14 – Looking Ahead! (Remember the “Why?!” behind your what!)

Rob loved what we used to call “Why?!” moments.  Movies like “The Wrestler”, “Titanic”, “Rudy”, and “Platoon” all have them — that point when all hope seems lost.  “Why, Grace…Why?!”  It makes for great entertainment.

But “Why?!” can also be the difference between tragedy and triumph.

Answered with “because…” — it can be a tragic combination.  “Because…” looks BACK at the circumstances and tries to make sense of it, to identify a reason, or maybe even apply a meaning.  “Because…” can be easy, because it sees what is already.

Answered with “so that…” — it can be a recipe for triumph.  “So that…” looks FORWARD to the result of your why, the things you will do or change to reach a NEW conclusion, the meaning you apply AHEAD of time!  “So that…” is hard, because it sees what isn’t — yet!

Your assignment for this week: This is the last post of 2014 — and I know many of you are already looking at your goals, dreams, aspirations, and visions for the new year ahead.  Conventional goal setting guidelines will tell you to be SMART about your WHATs: Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.  I’m asking you to consider being even SMART-ER and putting a WHY behind your WHAT by adding EMOTION and RESULT to the mix!
WHY?  So that I can FEEL            (fill in the blank)                          .
WHY?  So that I can achieve/accomplish/acquire/arrive at/accept            (fill in the blank)            .

Think about where you want to be next year this time…and then ask yourself WHY?!

Spread Happyness — share your WHATs and your WHYs in the comments!

A continued “Happy Heart-mas!” to all…and a SMART-ER New Year, too!

See you in 2015!!!

12/26/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Final 50 for #50 Toy Drive Update  (Thanks to all who donated and supported this drive!)
AS OF 12/26/14:
1. Thomas the Tank Activity Toy was donated at Dollar General in Netcong, NJ.
2. Two Lego sets and a Lincoln Log set were donated at Toys for Tots in Stockholm, NJ.
3. Two Operation Christmas Child boxes, Baby Chicks, a Bible, and money to fund Thanksgiving baskets were donated at various locations near Succasunna, NJ.
4. Two Hallmark Jingle Bell Stuffed Animals will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
5. CLUE game will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
6. Hot Wheels Assortment was donated near Stanhope, NJ.
7. Donation made to EFA (Endometriosis Foundation of America) in Robert’s memory.
8. Barbie VW beetle donated to Community Hope’s SSVF Program (supportive services for veteran families)
9. A baby doll with a pacifier and crib, a doc mc stuffin gift pack, and home made loom bracelets were donated to the Hackettstown Police Department in Hackettstown, NJ.
10. 2 stuffed horses, a Crayola creation set and a remote control car were donated to Toys for Tots in Parsippany, NJ.
11. Four wigs (along with bandanas) were donated to Carol G. Simon Cancer Center in Summit, NJ.
12. Five gifts — Mega Blocks, a play xylophone, a Fisher Price Rock-a-Stack, a baby doll, and a plush puppy dog — were donated for a sweet little girl through Angel Tree in Tampa, FL.
13. A monetary donation was made to Toys for Tots near Flanders, NJ.
14. A donation was made to Mylestone Horse Rescue in Rob’s name.
15. Two very generous donations were made in Hopatcong, NJ: Gift #1 — 2 sweaters, 2 mulitmedia pads, a color wheel, and 126 mulitmedia art set. Gift #2 — tie dye kit, package of white tee shirts, cross stitch kit, crewel kit, soap making kit, nail kit, 2 bottles of nail polish, nail treatment, nail oil, base coat and top coat, and lots of socks!
16. A donation was made in Rob’s memory to Memorial Sloan Kettering.
17. Donations were made at Toys for Tots and Bergen County animal shelter in New Jersey.
18. A donation was made in Rob’s name to Eleventh Hour Animal Rescue.
19. A $50 donation was made in Rob’s name to United Methodist Global Aviation Ministry.
20. Three $50 donations were made to Operation Holiday, Toys for Tots, and Wounded Warriors in Rob’s name, along with over 50+ toy (and food) donations in Netcong, NJ to DOUBLE OUR EFFORTS!!!.

*** THIS PUTS AT NEARLY 100 INDIVIDUAL DONATIONS!  WAY TO GO, TEAM HAPPYNESS!!!***