#50 (Photo credit: Grace Church)

(Editor’s note: Thanks once again to all who’ve generously responded with donations or pledges for the 50 for #50 virtual toy drive!  We now have 16 individuals confirmed who have donated about 36 gifts comprised of over 52 items!  Check the footer of this page for an up-to-date list of toys/donations and locations.  And remember…we still have six days to go!  If you’d like to join the tribe, just let us know what you donated and where…and maybe even post a photo to Facebook!  I’ll keep the update going — and announce our grand total on Friday 12/26.  THANK YOU TEAM HAPPYNESS!!!)

Week #14 – Do you have “A Happy Heart”?  (Hint: What is your face telling you?)

There is an old proverb: “A happy heart makes a cheerful face.”  When I found the words “A Happy Heart” on the board this week…I needed only to remember Rob’s radiant smile and gleaming eyes to know that, indeed, he had a happy heart.  Yes, cancer tried to take that from him…but I believe that Rob lived mot of his life with a happy heart, largely because I believe that Rob knew exactly what made him happy!

Do you?  If you’re not sure…take a look in the mirror.  What does your face tell you?

Your assignment for this week: I know everyone is busy — so I want to keep this easy and fun.  We are about to enter one of the most stressful weeks of the year.  So many of you are focused on making others happy — or expecting someone else to magically return the favor.  I’m asking YOU to pay attention to what makes YOU happy!  It may be as simple as your silly cat or dog, words to an old song, or an irreverent or inappropriate joke you can only share with a dear friend…or maybe it’s a bigger challenge like spending time only with people you enjoy, getting that extra sleep your body is craving, or saying no to something you honestly don’t want to do.  Take note of the moments when you feel your heart lift.  And catch yourself in the mirror once in a while.  What is your face telling you?!

Keep a list of what makes you happy, and check it twice.  It may be the difference between naughty and nice this holiday week!  😉

(By the way…those are all things Rob did to keep his heart happy! Now it’s your turn…)

Spread Happyness — and tell us what makes your heart happy in the comments!

I wish each and every one of you “A Happy Heart-mas!”

12/19/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

50 for #50 Toy Drive Update
AS OF 12/23/14:
1. Thomas the Tank Activity Toy was donated at Dollar General in Netcong, NJ.
2. Two Lego sets and a Lincoln Log set were donated at Toys for Tots in Stockholm, NJ.
3. Two Operation Christmas Child boxes, Baby Chicks, a Bible, and money to fund Thanksgiving baskets were donated at various locations near Succasunna, NJ.
4. Two Hallmark Jingle Bell Stuffed Animals will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
5. CLUE game will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
6. Hot Wheels Assortment was donated near Stanhope, NJ.
7. Donation made to EFA (Endometriosis Foundation of America) in Robert’s memory.
8. Barbie VW beetle donated to Community Hope’s SSVF Program (supportive services for veteran families)
9. A baby doll with a pacifier and crib, a doc mc stuffin gift pack, and home made loom bracelets were donated to the Hackettstown Police Department in Hackettstown, NJ.
10. 2 stuffed horses, a Crayola creation set and a remote control car were donated to Toys for Tots in Parsippany, NJ.
11. Four wigs (along with bandanas) were donated to Carol G. Simon Cancer Center in Summit, NJ.
12. Five gifts — Mega Blocks, a play xylophone, a Fisher Price Rock-a-Stack, a baby doll, and a plush puppy dog — were donated for a sweet little girl through Angel Tree in Tampa, FL.
13. A monetary donation was made to Toys for Tots near Flanders, NJ.
14. A donation was made to Mylestone Horse Rescue in Rob’s name.
15. Two very generous donations were made in Hopatcong, NJ: Gift #1 — 2 sweaters, 2 mulitmedia pads, a color wheel, and 126 mulitmedia art set. Gift #2 — tie dye kit, package of white tee shirts, cross stitch kit, crewel kit, soap making kit, nail kit, 2 bottles of nail polish, nail treatment, nail oil, base coat and top coat, and lots of socks!
16. A donation was made in Rob’s memory to Memorial Sloan Kettering.
17. Donations were made at Toys for Tots and Bergen County animal shelter in New Jersey.
18. A donation was made in Rob’s name to Eleventh Hour Animal Rescue.
19. A $50 donation was made in Rob’s name to United Methodist Global Aviation Ministry.

#50 “How ya’ doing?” (Photo credit: Grace Church)

(Editor’s note: Thanks again to all who’ve generously responded with donations or pledges for the 50 for #50 virtual toy drive!  We have 12 individuals confirmed so far, with a total of at least 31 gifts given in Rob’s honor to-date.  We are so close!  Check the footer of this page for an up-to-date list of toys and locations — and if you’d like to join the tribe, just let us know what you donated and where…and maybe even post a photo to Facebook!  I’ll update the total each week, with a grand total on Friday 12/26.  THANK YOU TEAM HAPPYNESS!!!)

Week #13 – “Hey, how ya’ doing?”

It’s not surprising that someone left these words on the board at Rob’s services.  This is a question we hear in passing every single day (How are ya?  How ya’ doing?) — but few people really intend to get an answer.  However, as many of you know, Rob was not a casual question asker-er.  When he asked you something — he meant it.  He wanted to know the answer — and he was prepared to take the time to get it.  He wasn’t afraid of an honest answer either.  In fact, he seemed to delight in it!  I’d venture a guess that much of the happiness in our individual relationships with him was built on this kind of ease and honesty.  It is one of the things I selfishly miss the most.

13 Weeks is significant — it’s exactly one quarter of a calendar year, one season, and three complete months since SpreadHappyness was born with the mission to look at the little ways our beloved friend/brother/mate/partner brought happiness to people’s lives — and challenge ourselves to carry this light forward to others each week:

1. Wave Big
2. Say Hello Like You Mean It
3. “Shakers!” (aka Nicknames…)
4. Got “Character”?
5. How to be “Beautiful”
6. “Pure Energy” (Are you an outlet or a plug?)
7. Don’t make pretend…make plans!  Go…”Get Your Wings!”
8. Are you a “Smiling Guy” (or gal)?
9. Ready for some “Strange Magic”?
10. “Gabes and Toyds”  (What’s on your wish list?)
11. There’s no (i) in “Generous”
12. There’s no (i) in “Thoughtful” either!
13. “Hey, how ya’ doing?”

Happiness is not an accident.  It’s a choice.  We CAN create happiness…one week, and one interaction, at a time!

Your assignment for this weekend: Pick someone (or maybe try everyone) and ask sincerely: “Hey, how ya’ doing?”  Be prepared to spend a little time listening to an honest answer…and be ready to offer words of encouragement whether it’s good news or bad news.  This includes being excited/enthusiastic/encouraging to someone who is starting something new — or being patient/understanding/steadfast toward someone who is struggling.  One great answer to either scenario is simply: “I believe in you!” (and mean it!)

And so, let me ask you…How are you doing?  Have you spread happiness lately?  Is there anything I can do to help or encourage or celebrate with you?  Because…and this is true…I believe in you!

Spread Happyness this week…and tell us how you are doing in the comments!

12/12/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

PS: Congratulations to Amy Wood-Oblen for a successful Monster Truck Rides for Toys event last Sunday — and thanks to all who donated!

50 for #50 Toy Drive Update
AS OF 12/23/14:
1. Thomas the Tank Activity Toy was donated at Dollar General in Netcong, NJ.
2. Two Lego sets and a Lincoln Log set were donated at Toys for Tots in Stockholm, NJ.
3. Two Operation Christmas Child boxes, Baby Chicks, a Bible, and money to fund Thanksgiving baskets were donated at various locations near Succasunna, NJ.
4. Two Hallmark Jingle Bell Stuffed Animals will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
5. CLUE game will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
6. Hot Wheels Assortment was donated near Stanhope, NJ.
7. Donation made to EFA (Endometriosis Foundation of America) in Robert’s memory.
8. Barbie VW beetle donated to Community Hope’s SSVF Program (supportive services for veteran families)
9. A baby doll with a pacifier and crib, a doc mc stuffin gift pack, and home made loom bracelets were donated to the Hackettstown Police Department in Hackettstown, NJ.
10. 2 stuffed horses, a Crayola creation set and a remote control car were donated to Toys for Tots in Parsippany, NJ.
11. Four wigs (along with bandanas) were donated to Carol G. Simon Cancer Center in Summit, NJ.
12. Five gifts — Mega Blocks, a play xylophone, a Fisher Price Rock-a-Stack, a baby doll, and a plush puppy dog — were donated for a sweet little girl through Angel Tree in Tampa, FL.
13. A monetary donation was made to Toys for Tots near Flanders, NJ.
14. A donation was made to Mylestone Horse Rescue in Rob’s name.
15. Two very generous donations were made in Hopatcong, NJ: Gift #1 — 2 sweaters, 2 mulitmedia pads, a color wheel, and 126 mulitmedia art set. Gift #2 — tie dye kit, package of white tee shirts, cross stitch kit, crewel kit, soap making kit, nail kit, 2 bottles of nail polish, nail treatment, nail oil, base coat and top coat, and lots of socks!
16. A donation was made in Rob’s memory to Memorial Sloan Kettering.
17. Donations were made at Toys for Tots and Bergen County animal shelter in New Jersey.
18. A donation was made in Rob’s name to Eleventh Hour Animal Rescue.
19. A $50 donation was made in Rob’s name to United Methodist Global Aviation Ministry.

#50 (Photo credit: Grace Church)

(Editor’s note: Thanks to all who’ve generously responded with donations or pledges for the 50 for #50 virtual toy drive!  We have 8 individuals confirmed so far, with a total of at least 15 gifts given in Rob’s honor to-date, and there are at least a dozen more promised.  Check the footer of this page for an up-to-date list of toys and locations — and if you’d like to join the tribe, just let us know what you donated and where…and maybe even post a photo!  I’ll update the total each week, with a grand total at the end of the month.  THANK YOU TEAM HAPPYNESS!!!)

Week #12 – There is no (i) in “Thoughtful” either!  (aka 14 Ways to Spread Happyness this Holiday Season!)

In the lower right hand corner of the word board, there is an anonymous note: “Thoughtful and Warm.”  The word “thoughtful” jumped out at me.  What does it mean to be thoughtful — and how is that a recipe for happiness?

Last week I wrote that it take (U) to be “Generous”.  Well…it takes (U) to be “Thoughtful” too.  In fact, it takes TWO of (U)!  Because the only way to be thought-ful — is to be full-of-thought for someone else!

But let’s face it — the holidays can be a hurried and stressful time of year, with little time to think at all!  Forced togetherness, unmet expectations, year-end work demands, more commitments to others, less time for ourselves, not to mention sadness related to those who are missing from our celebrations.  And now I’m asking you to think of others!

But perhaps now — when we feel we can least afford it — is the PERFECT time to stop and think about what it means to be “thoughtful”!  I found 14 synonyms that shed some light — and they may be things you are doing already!  Above all…the one common denominator in all these things is that there is someone else involved.  Thoughtfulness indeed takes TWO of (U)!

• Astute – smart, quick, perceptive
• Attentive – giving attention; observant
• Careful – cautious, exact, thorough
• Considerate – awareness or regard for another’s feelings
• Courteous – mannerly, polite
• Deliberate – carefully considered, intentional
• Discreet – judicious; prudent
• Friendly – showing personal affection or regard
• Gracious – kind, benevolent, courteous
• Helpful – giving aid or assistance; of service
• Polite – well mannered
• Prudent – wise or judicious
• Tactful – appropriate, tasteful

Your assignment for this weekend: Did Rob touch your life in one of the 14 ways listed above — or is one of these a particular gift all your own?  If so, pay it forward this weekend to someone else who needs it (or maybe even to yourself…sometimes the wisest counsel comes from within!).  Otherwise — pick the one word that jumps out at you the most.  Make that your mission for the week ahead.  Try it on for size.  See if it improves your relationships or lightens your burdens — but above all, see if it SPREADS HAPPYNESS to those around (including you, too)!

Will you make time to be THOUGHTFUL about THOUGHTFULNESS this weekend?!

Spread Happyness — and share your thoughts in the comments!

12/5/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

UPDATE 12/5/14: Saturday’s Monster Truck Rides for Toys event has been canceled due to weather — and Sunday’s event has been moved to Hackettstown!  Amy Wood-Oblen (classmate of Rob’s) is holding a Monster Truck Rides for Toys event to benefit local families on Sunday, December 7th — now at Highview Farms — 416 Sand Shore Road on the border of Hackettstown/Budd Lake next to Sand Shore School.  Free monster truck rides to anyone who donates an unwrapped new toy at these events!  Check Amy Wood-Oblen’s FB page for details!

AS OF 12/23/14:
1. Thomas the Tank Activity Toy was donated at Dollar General in Netcong, NJ.
2. Two Lego sets and a Lincoln Log set were donated at Toys for Tots in Stockholm, NJ.
3. Two Operation Christmas Child boxes, Baby Chicks, a Bible, and money to fund Thanksgiving baskets were donated at various locations near Succasunna, NJ.
4. Two Hallmark Jingle Bell Stuffed Animals will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
5. CLUE game will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
6. Hot Wheels Assortment was donated near Stanhope, NJ.
7. Donation made to EFA (Endometriosis Foundation of America) in Robert’s memory.
8. Barbie VW beetle donated to Community Hope’s SSVF Program (supportive services for veteran families)
9. A baby doll with a pacifier and crib, a doc mc stuffin gift pack, and home made loom bracelets were donated to the Hackettstown Police Department in Hackettstown, NJ.
10. 2 stuffed horses, a Crayola creation set and a remote control car were donated to Toys for Tots in Parsippany, NJ.
11. Four wigs (along with bandanas) were donated to Carol G. Simon Cancer Center in Summit, NJ.
12. Five gifts — Mega Blocks, a play xylophone, a Fisher Price Rock-a-Stack, a baby doll, and a plush puppy dog — were donated for a sweet little girl through Angel Tree in Tampa, FL.
13. A monetary donation was made to Toys for Tots near Flanders, NJ.
14. A donation was made to Mylestone Horse Rescue in Rob’s name.
15. Two very generous donations were made in Hopatcong, NJ: Gift #1 — 2 sweaters, 2 mulitmedia pads, a color wheel, and 126 mulitmedia art set. Gift #2 — tie dye kit, package of white tee shirts, cross stitch kit, crewel kit, soap making kit, nail kit, 2 bottles of nail polish, nail treatment, nail oil, base coat and top coat, and lots of socks!
16. A donation was made in Rob’s memory to Memorial Sloan Kettering.
17. Donations were made at Toys for Tots and Bergen County animal shelter in New Jersey.
18. A donation was made in Rob’s name to Eleventh Hour Animal Rescue.
19. A $50 donation was made in Rob’s name to United Methodist Global Aviation Ministry.

#50 (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #11 – There is no (i) in “Generous”

Someone wrote the word “GENEROUS” on Rob’s word board.  Whoever it was wrote it really big.  And it’s had me thinking…what exactly did that person mean?

Generous can mean a lot of things: benevolent, big, charitable, considerate, good, helpful, honest, hospitable, thoughtful, tolerant, unselfish, and willing.

But deep down, the word “generous” comes from the Latin root “genus” — meaning family (race, stock, kind, birth, descent, origin).  Rob definitely had a way of making anyone who was speaking with him feel like family.  He gave his time and attention to people — sometimes people he hardly knew — and they felt a kinship with him immediately.  Everywhere he went, he made himself at home…and he has often been referred to by various friends, neighbors, coworkers, and even the clerk at the food store…as “like family.”

In the weeks during Rob’s treatment (when we were still able to talk)…he would often tell me, “Grace, if I get out of this…I want to help people.”  After Rob’s death I immediately began thinking about his legacy and wondering how best to carry his torch forward.  I wrote this on September 8th:

“His life was like a shooting star…burning bright but moving fast.  For those of us who were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of his generous light…it is now our turn to reflect it generously back to others as well!”  Shortly after, SpreadHappyness was born — a little dose of Rob each week, and a little challenge to carry his happy light forward to anyone lucky enough to cross YOUR path!

So why no (i) in “generous”…?  Because it takes “U”!

This week’s assignment:  One of Rob’s greatest joys was donating toys to Toys for Tots each year.  I’m calling on “U” — Rob’s Happyness Family — to “Spread the Wealth!”  I would like to propose a virtual toy drive on his behalf.  Together WE can carry out his holiday tradition!  You choose your gift and your location (Rob chose Toys for Tots, but there are many other options in your community — a church, local foodbank, Salvation Army, or other organization).  Just let us know what you donated and where…and maybe even post a photo!  I’ll tally up the info — number, types of toys, locations — and post a running total each week, with a grand total at the end of the month.  If I have enough photos, I’ll post a collage!

My initial thought is 50 — for #50.  Whattya think Team Happyness?  Are you in?!

Spread Happyness…Spread the Wealth and donate a “game or toy” in Rob’s honor this year!  (Then tell us about it — post a comment, send a photo, or share this challenge with others!)

(And PS: Happy Thanksgiving, Happyness Tribe!  I am so grateful for you all!)

11/28/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

UPDATE 12/5/14: Saturday’s event has been canceled due to weather — and Sunday’s event has been moved to Hackettstown!  Amy Wood-Oblen (classmate of Rob’s) is holding a Monster Truck Rides for Toys event to benefit local families on Sunday, December 7th — now at Highview Farms — 416 Sand Shore Road on the border of Hackettstown/Budd Lake next to Sand Shore School.  Free monster truck rides to anyone who donates an unwrapped new toy at these events!  Check Amy Wood-Oblen’s FB page for details!

AS OF 12/23/14:
1. Thomas the Tank Activity Toy was donated at Dollar General in Netcong, NJ.
2. Two Lego sets and a Lincoln Log set were donated at Toys for Tots in Stockholm, NJ.
3. Two Operation Christmas Child boxes, Baby Chicks, a Bible, and money to fund Thanksgiving baskets were donated at various locations near Succasunna, NJ.
4. Two Hallmark Jingle Bell Stuffed Animals will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
5. CLUE game will be donated in Flanders, NJ.
6. Hot Wheels Assortment was donated near Stanhope, NJ.
7. Donation made to EFA (Endometriosis Foundation of America) in Robert’s memory.
8. Barbie VW beetle donated to Community Hope’s SSVF Program (supportive services for veteran families)
9. A baby doll with a pacifier and crib, a doc mc stuffin gift pack, and home made loom bracelets were donated to the Hackettstown Police Department in Hackettstown, NJ.
10. 2 stuffed horses, a Crayola creation set and a remote control car were donated to Toys for Tots in Parsippany, NJ.
11. Four wigs (along with bandanas) were donated to Carol G. Simon Cancer Center in Summit, NJ.
12. Five gifts — Mega Blocks, a play xylophone, a Fisher Price Rock-a-Stack, a baby doll, and a plush puppy dog — were donated for a sweet little girl through Angel Tree in Tampa, FL.
13. A monetary donation was made to Toys for Tots near Flanders, NJ.
14. A donation was made to Mylestone Horse Rescue in Rob’s name.
15. Two very generous donations were made in Hopatcong, NJ: Gift #1 — 2 sweaters, 2 mulitmedia pads, a color wheel, and 126 mulitmedia art set. Gift #2 — tie dye kit, package of white tee shirts, cross stitch kit, crewel kit, soap making kit, nail kit, 2 bottles of nail polish, nail treatment, nail oil, base coat and top coat, and lots of socks!
16. A donation was made in Rob’s memory to Memorial Sloan Kettering.
17. Donations were made at Toys for Tots and Bergen County animal shelter in New Jersey.
18. A donation was made in Rob’s name to Eleventh Hour Animal Rescue.
19. A $50 donation was made in Rob’s name to United Methodist Global Aviation Ministry.

(Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #10 – “Gabes and toyds.”  (What’s on your wish list?)

When Rob was in high school he took a childcare study class with his friend, Frank.  It was shortly after Christmas and all the kids were excitedly talking about what they got under the tree.  There was a little boy named Jeffrey who was still developing his speech skills.  When Frank or Rob asked him what he got for Christmas, he replied: “Gabes and toyds.”  (Meaning “games and toys.”)  Well, Rob must’ve loved the way it sounded because he asked Jeffrey the same question over and over again (imagine that!) to which Jeffrey became even more adamant in his reply: “I told du already!  Gabes and toyds, Wob.  Gabes and toyds!”

This little catch phrase — even 20 years later — stuck in Rob’s head.  It became a standard answer any time I asked him what he wanted for Christmas — but more important it was a sweet memory of a simpler time, and a little boy whose greatest desire at Christmastime was fulfilled…with “games and toys.”

This week we celebrate Thanksgiving.  There is always so much to be grateful for — and all the popular advice will tell you to stop wanting and to start counting your blessings.  I disagree.  Be grateful for what you have, yes — but don’t stop wishing for more!  Progress is not born out of satisfaction…it is created in the gap between where you are and where you want to be.  Dissatisfaction is a valuable indicator that there is room to grow, to invent, to imagine, to create something new, or to meet someone else’s need.  Thanksgiving is a great reminder that big problems can give birth to even bigger solutions.  So yes, count your blessings always…but be kind to yourself and acknowledge the areas where you still want for more.  There is great desire there.  Then…go about the business of delivering!

Your assignment for the weekend: as a kid, do you remember going through holiday catalogs and writing down all the things you wanted?  It didn’t make you feel lack…it made you feel excitement and anticipation for what was to come.  For what was possible!  This is the last calm weekend before the holiday craziness begins.  From here on out you will be focused on family and friends and work parties and year-end deadlines.  Take this moment for yourself. Take it NOW.  Write out your own personal wish list for this holiday season…and don’t forget to include some games and toys!  The kids are already working on their holiday lists…why not you, too?!

You can be grateful for what you have and still want for more…progress depends on it!

Spread Happyness — and tell us what’s on your wish list this year!

(Even better…help someone find a way to fulfill their wish!  More on this next week!)

11/21/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Hmm…. (photo credit: Grace Church)

Week # 9 – Who’s ready for some “Strange Magic”?

Rob’s hairstylist, Jodi, contacted me this week to let me know that she was remembering and missing Rob.  She shared some stories about his visits to the salon…and then she mentioned that the song “Strange Magic” by ELO always reminded her of him.  In fact, she said, it came on as she was heading to his services in September.  Hmmm…has anything like that ever happened to you?!

This story came to me on the heels of seeing the movie Interstellar…and of ruminating on my word study for this week: CONNECTION.  One of the underlying themes of the movie (no spoilers here) is human love.  One scientist argues that it’s simply a physiological urge to assure safety and reproduction of the species.  Another wonders why then, after those needs are fulfilled — or even after a death — do we continue to love?  What then is it’s purpose?

Jodi’s message was dogging me…what is it about “Strange Magic”?  And then it occurred to me…CONNECTION!  Jodi hears that song, thinks of Rob, and is instantly transported back to whatever place and time that song represents for her.  For me, Dire Straits’ “Walk of Life” always took us back to our neighbor’s pool where we played as kids…and was the first song I heard when I started Rob’s car on September 5th!  For you it may be something else…maybe for someone else.  A place, a song, a certain word or food — these connect us to people, places, and events far beyond our present time/space reality.  Little reminders deliver BIG connection across the cosmos — through love.  Perhaps that is what gives us our fifth dimension — and a glimpse into eternity!  Phew!!!  Strange magic indeed!

So…your assignment for this weekend: Over the next 72 hours something is going to transport you from the present moment to another space and time.  You are going to feel the love of another person, even though they may not be anywhere near you (or even on this earth).  Use this opportunity to CONNECT with that individual.  Send an email or text, make a phone call or reach out to let them know you are thinking of them.  (If they are gone — talk to them out loud, write a letter, or share a story about them with someone else.)  Let it transport you.  And in that amorphous space between here and “there” — see if you can experience some “Strange Magic” all your own!

Spread Happyness — CONNECT!  And tell us about your experiences in the comments!

11/14/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

(Editor’s note:  Just want to offer Tweet-Tweets, Yoo-hoos, Alohas, Hellos, and How-are-yas to all of you who have let me know you are reading the blog each week!  It means so much to know Rob’s spirit is alive in your life!  Thank you so much for following along and sharing this with others…and if this is your first visit, WELCOME!  We are so glad you are here!)

A Smiling Guy (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #8 – Are you a “Smiling Guy” (or Gal)?

Look in the mirror.  Is that the face you want us to remember you by?

In a note to my parents, one of Rob’s high school teachers remembered Rob as a “smiling guy with a friendly hello.”  The note went on to comment that this is a characteristic shared by our entire family.  That might be true…just this week a friend from town complimented me on my ability to smile regardless of the weather or circumstances.  But while I certainly can’t speculate about what went on behind Rob’s smile…I have a confession to make: I’m not always smiling on the inside!

Smiling is a habit…nearly a reflex.  It’s something you practice before it becomes automatic, kind of like a killer karate move.  You don’t wait to learn those moves in a crucial situation…you practice them over and over again beforehand.  And the more I thought about it…the more I realized that smiling is complicated business: If we smile regardless of the circumstances, then we’re not being true to our grumpiest selves.  But if we are true to our grumpiest selves, then we’re sure never to smile!  So which comes first…the smile, or the happiness?

I took a long walk on the beach to clear my head and wondered out loud, “Rob…what is it that you want me to know about smiling?”

A scene from the movie Chaplin immediately came to mind.  Charlie’s just been given heartbreaking news about a long lost love.  He buckles under the sadness.  Meanwhile, his fans eagerly wait to greet him.  Seeing the crowd and Charlie’s state, his friend asks him, “What are we gonna do, Charlie?”  Chaplin pulls himself together and bravely responds: “Smile.”  With that, they head out into a sea of admirers.  Charlie’s fans expect him to make them smile…and that, in return, is what makes Charlie smile.

Your assignment for this weekend: tackle a problem with a smile!  You can start small by practicing on a the few little snags that come your way…or you can go big and tackle that one critical moment when you are about to blow your top and lose your cool!  You may have little eyes watching your every move…or loved ones depending on you to set the tone in a crucial situation.  What is your response to pressure telling them?  What are you telling yourself?  Take a deep breath…and SMILE!

Make smiling a choice whether you are happy or not  — and you may just find that whether you are happy or not, you are smiling anyway!  😉

Spread Happyness — SMILE this weekend!  And share your experience in the comments!

11/7/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Flight Suit (Photo Credit: Grace Church)

Week #7 – Don’t Pretend…Make Plans!  Go “Get Your Wings!”

Happy Friday — and Happy Halloween!  What are you planning to be today?

For Rob’s wake, a work friend of mine (who didn’t even know Rob) drove nearly two hours to attend his viewing.  While Jim H. waited patiently on line he saw the plane photos, Rob’s pilot log, his flight suit — and on the word board he wrote: “He’s finally got his wings!”

Jim is an artist…a sensitive soul who sees poetry in most people.  His comment is a poignant metaphor…and poetic completion of Rob’s long held desire to BE a pilot.  And Rob didn’t just dream about it…he pursued it every way he could.  He spent time at airports, around planes, talking shop with pilots, logging hours, and enduring long hot summer days on the tarmac at airshows.  I will never really know what it meant to a boy who never traveled very far from home to be miles high in the air with nothing but a propeller to keep him going!  But it made him happy…and he planned around it…and that was enough for me to believe he could be it!

Are you making pretend…or making plans?

Halloween is a day for pretending…pretending to be fierce or funny, scary or sexy.  To masquerade our secret selves…or maybe even disguise our real ones.  But look closer: is there more to your costume than an attempt to collect candy or win an award?  Is there a dream or desire behind that mask that represents a calling to BE something more in your every day life?

Your assignment for this weekend:  If your “costume” became your clothing on November 1st and beyond…what would you pick?  What props or clues, habits or traits would you need to let people know…this is who I am, this is who I was meant to BE.  Then ask yourself…what is the ONE NEXT THING you need to do to go from pretending to planning?  Write it down — and DO IT this weekend.  Don’t pretend…MAKE PLANS!  Go get your wings!

To quote Dr. Frankenfurter’s sweet refrain from Rocky Horror: “Don’t dream it…BE IT!”

Spread Happyness — share your dream, your plans, and your support of others in the comments!

10/31/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

(Photo Credit: Grace Church)

Week #6 – “Pure Energy!” (Are you an outlet — or a plug?)

As the weeks roll by I continue to hear story after story about how Rob influenced, affected, touched, or otherwise blessed one individual after another. When you hear all these stories at once, you wonder how one individual could spend that much time with other people — in addition to a full time job, various personal interests, and logging 50,000 miles on his car in a year!

Rob was indeed full of pure energy. As a result, he was an outlet to most people who crossed his path — they could come to him, plug in, and get happiness. But was it a gift — or a choice? Certainly Rob was blessed with an outgoing personality.  But he also did things in his life that assured he’d have plenty of time and energy to fill himself up and fuel his own interests. He chose to eat well, exercise, sleep, drink water, say no to things he didn’t want to do, step away from unnecessary drama and distractions, and make room only for the things that lit him up. I believe that because he tended to himself FIRST — he had plenty of time/attention/love/encouragement/and insane goofiness to share with everyone he met. (Dogs, cats, parrots, snakes, butterflies and armadillos included!)

We’ve talked a lot about how to SPREAD HAPPYNESS over the last few weeks…so tell me, how are you doing?  Are you becoming an outlet of “pure energy” that others can plug into — or do you still find yourself looking to others to fill you up?

Your assignment for this weekend: Brainstorm a quick list of things you can do to fill yourself up FIRST — then pick ONE and follow through for yourself TODAY.  Don’t be a plug!  Charge yourself up first, then get out there and let your PURE ENERGY light someone else’s day!

What did you come up with?  SPREAD HAPPYNESS — and share your success stories here!

10/24/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church

Beautiful (Photo credit: Grace Church)

Week #5 – How to be “Beautiful! (In three easy steps)

Many people have used the word beautiful to describe my brother — myself included.  It’s an odd word to use for a male — but it was the first word I wrote on the word board at his funeral.  And I still catch myself saying, “He was a beautiful human being.”

What does it mean to be beautiful — and what can we learn from Rob in order to spread happyness to others?

1. Beautiful on the Outside — Obviously “beautiful” means handsome, pretty, and fine on the outside.  Rob was not the most perfect human being ever created — he had skinny legs, a slight underbite, and some seriously floppy ears.  But no one I know worked harder at their physique — and took great care of his physical appearance.  Rob did everything he could to be healthy, which is why the cancer was such a kick in the teeth.  Despite taking great care of ourselves, physical bodies may fade or fail us…what then?

2. Beautiful on the Inside — Beautiful also means agreeable, genuine, and real.  There is something called a beautiful mind — a mind that is agreeable, open to possibilities, willing to explore, to appreciate, to be interested, to be clear and precise.  Most of the words on Rob’s board are not about his physique, they are about his character.  We’ve covered some of them on this blog — his enthusiastic wave, his big hello, his affectionate nicknames, his depth of character.  These are the things that made him beautiful on the inside.  These are the things we can control…the choices we make within ourselves.  Are you still with me?   

3. Bring Beautiful Out in Others — A French writer named Stendhal defined it best in a way I never heard before this week — but one that certainly resonated with me and the mission for this website: “beauty is nothing more than the promise of happiness.”  There is no doubt that Rob brought out the best in people — their physical beauty through his observation or encouragement, their inner beauty through his genuine interest and ability to be real with people, and the promise of happiness to all — as soon as you saw his smiling face, his big wave, or heard his unique hello, you knew you were in for a positive interaction!

What about you?  Are you beautiful inside and out?  Do you bring the “promise of happiness” to others?

Your assignment this weekend:  On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate yourself in each of these three areas?  Evaluate your answers.  Then name one thing you can do to create more beauty on your outside, your inside, and for others.  Then do it!  And don’t forget to share your results!

Be beautiful!  Be honest!  And be real with yourself and others!

Spread Happyness — and tell us about it in the comments!

10/17/14 by Grace Church
© Grace Church