If you’ve felt overwhelmed, insufficient, and distracted lately — I want you to know you are not alone!
The issues that our world is facing right now are intense and varied and coming at us at a rapid pace. It has been enough to throw the most balanced people I know off balance, the most focused people off course, and caused the most compassionate people I know to throw up their hands.
Frustration is a slippery slope…it leads to bitterness, resentment, and disempowerment. (In other words, all kinds of un-happyness.)
When the world’s, or the country’s, or even your town’s problems seem beyond your grasp — reach out and grab hold of the hand (or hands) that are within your reach!
Our families — while we are busy keeping up with world news on our screens, there may be a person (spouse/kid/parent/sibling/etc.) right in front of us that needs our attention. LOOK UP!!!
Our neighbors — while we debate over how best to help those in affected communities around the globe, there is a neighbor on our street that needs help with the garbage, the lawn, or a ride to an appointment. LOOK AROUND!
Our friends — someone you know and love is probably struggling with a life change, a career challenge, sickness, or crisis. LOOK THEM UP — and check in on them!
Our coworkers — while we’re busy gabbing about the latest news and events in the break room, one of our coworkers may be secretly struggling with something. LOOK THEM IN THE EYE — and listen to their stories!
Our communities — each one of our communities has needs that only we can uniquely address because we live there. Whether it’s a local school, place of worship, building/association, union/guild, or organization — LOOK AHEAD for the people within our reach who can benefit from our assistance, support, and participation.
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: REACH OUT! The second you are feeling overwhelmed and under-equipped to take on the biggest problems this week — shift your gaze to the people within arm’s reach! Leverage your time, talent, and compassion on the people right in front of you. It will make a tremendous and very real difference to them — and with practice, build confidence in ourselves to take on the bigger problems in the world!
Be the source — Spread Happyness!!!
Spread Happyness — reach out and help someone this week!
“Oh, the places you’ll go…” (Photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #298 – It’s Graduation Season! (This year of all years, what’s the best/worst advice for grads?)
May is winding down…and you know what that means!
It’s graduation season!
And this year of all years, I’m revisiting my annual poll…and wondering, what’s your best/worst advice for grads?
A quick stop in the greeting card aisle is going to render some pretty trite advice:
Follow your dreams…
Find your calling…
Pursue your passion…
My partner, James, and I often joke that there should be a “realistic” greeting card section with blunt advice, obvious statements, and realistic responses to really hard situations (“Heard your cat died…that sucks!”).
Why is it that we need to talk in hyperbole when wishing students well for the future? (Especially this year’s class…9/11 babies graduating in a worldwide pandemic!)
Why not think about what we needed to hear — or wouldn’t listen to — when we were in that same position ourselves?
Our world is moving faster than ever. Today’s graduates have more options than any other generation before. Their world is much bigger and wide open than any other time. They were born into the internet, social media, and missions to Mars…
…and they’ve also seen their own chaos, unrest, and instability.
There’s no telling what opportunities or challenges the next year — let alone ten years, or just THIS year — will hold for them.
And yet, some things will remain the same: their secret wishes for themselves, that thing that lights them up on the inside, the values they hold most dear. In short…their “why.”
So…rather than give vague advice and pleasantries, why not share what you really know?
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Share what you really know! This year of all years, what is the best (or worst) advice for graduates? What was it that you needed to hear — or didn’t listen to — when you were graduating? Can you find a way to talk about these things with a recent grad — without talking down to them? They are more overwhelmed than you think. Most might be relieved just to have someone truly interested in helping them build their future, rather than just telling them “how it is.” This week, reach out and share what you really know: the good, the bad, and even the obvious!
My best advice? Our prognosis is all the same: our days are numbered. Big moments or little — do your best to make them count.
Spread Happyness — share your best (or worst) graduation advice in the comments!
“Remember to Remember” (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #297 – MORE THAN EVER: Keep the “Memorial” in Memorial Day!
This post has been an annual repeat — because it’s always a good reminder to keep the “Memorial” in Memorial Day, especially this year!!!
Greetings, All — and Happy Friday!!!
We are coming up on another Memorial Day Weekend — and there is no doubt that you’ll (once again) see a lot of commentaries about Memorial Day this weekend.
And NOTHING will be more prevalent this year than talk of re-opening. After weeks of being cooped up, locked in, or shut down — many of us will be finding ways to let loose (even if it’s still at a safe distance)!
More than ever, and especially this year, it’s important to remember the origins of this date and to honor those who gave their lives in service to this country.
Memorial Day, for certain, is a day set aside to remember those who died serving our country. But before it was called “Memorial Day” — it was called “Decoration Day” because it was a day when families reunited at burial locations to “decorate” the graves of their fallen. And because many people traveled very far to get there — they would relish the opportunity to visit and reconnect with relatives, usually accompanied by a pot-luck or picnic supper nearby.
So…it seems our modern traditions of family reunions and barbeques are not really that far off.
It’s the REMEMBERING (and DECORATING) that we sometimes miss!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Keep the MEMORIAL in Memorial Day! Enjoy your family, the nice weather, and the freedom we have (even though it still may feel limited at this time) — just remember to REMEMBER! This may mean simply raising a flag, bringing a note or flowers to a grave of one who lost his/her life in service, or writing a name in the sand for all to see. You could make a donation, plant a tree, or lay a wreath at the base of a statue. Even after the day is past, the flowers fade, or the ocean wipes the shore clean — you never know how long your tribute will stick to the walls of someone else’s memory!
How will you keep the MEMORIAL in Memorial Day?!
Spread Happyness — share your thoughts or ideas in the comments!
Beauty in Ashes, El Porto 2018 (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #296 – Repost: Seek Beauty in Ashes
I’m flashing back to Week #240 for a little of my own advice! Care to join me? 😉
In one week last April (2019) — we experienced a career comeback like no other, a devastating fire, and were poised to celebrate two religious holidays that are rooted in the concepts of freedom and new life.
In each case, everything seemed hopeless. Tiger was too old, Notre Dame too far gone, and bible stories…well, they’re impossible (right?).
And yet, each persisted. Tiger pressed on. Notre Dame will be rebuilt. And the traditions of Passover and Easter survive thousands of years later.
There is something persistent about HOPE.
Don’t get me wrong…I’ve experienced total loss. I watched a perfectly healthy human being become perfectly dead in no time at all. I’ve seen first-hand the devastation of hurricanes at the Jersey Shore. And I lived in Manhattan during 9/11.
And now I can add a paralyzing global pandemic to that list!
The potential for loss is always available to us…and yet, there is something in us that reaches for hope in the face of it. Each and every time. (Granted, some times may be easier than others…this one’s a toughie.)
Take stock in your losses, whatever they may be. Big or small — honor and grieve them. And then, when the time is right, straighten your shoulders and set your sights on finding the beauty in the ashes.
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Seek beauty in ashes! Whatever setbacks, disappointments, or less-than-ideal circumstances come your way this week — practice cultivating an attitude of possibility about the outcome. One way to do this is to take time to process the setback (also called a post-mortem) — or to ask yourself what the best possible outcome might be, or what gift might be buried in the rubble. In some cases, it may be too soon to ask these questions or play these games — but practicing with small stuff now makes it more likely these thoughts will be accessible when you (or someone you know) needs them the most.
I’m in it with you. I’m counting the days, and grieving, and searching, too.
“Take Care of Yourself!” (image credit: Grace Church)
Week #295 – “Take care of yourself!” (Especially on Mother’s Day…and Especially This Year!!!)
Mother’s Day is this Sunday, May 10th. If you haven’t made plans yet, don’t panic. Last week, I posted a dozen ideas (that didn’t include reservations or retail) from a survey of what over 50 REAL MOMS told me they REALLY wanted on Mother’s Day.
But if you’re one of the ones NOT looking forward to Mother’s Day, especially this year…I promised this week would be for you!
So I’m re-posting this message again — because for many women, Mother’s Day is not a happy day. For some…it is a day of mixed emotions. And especially this year…it’s REALLY mixed up!
If this is you…please read on, and know you are not alone!
Mother’s Day and Mixed Emotions
Many of the women I exchanged ideas with in my original post reported feeling mixed emotions on Mother’s Day. Issues of infertility or infant death, the loss of parents or children at any age, disconnection from living parents or children, disagreements among family members, decline of elderly parents, or disappointments in childhood or childrearing — they all come front and center on a day when it seems like “everyone” else is out celebrating with their perfect and loving families.
And this year, we get to pile on a global pandemic that may already have us feeling scared, uncertain, isolated, or alone.
If you feel this way, please know there are others who are feeling the same way.
There are many articles circulating about what to do when you can’t, won’t, or don’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day. The bottom line is this…and it’s in my own mother’s words:
“Take care of yourself.”
These are tough words to hear when you feel victimized, bitter, powerless, or plain old overwhelmed. They’re more like a bed of nails than a soft place to fall — trust me, I know. But they are true.
Because if you won’t take care of you…then who else will?
In my original survey, many women reported mixed feelings on Mother’s Day. Their advice? Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends (this year while social distancing, of course!), the company of like-minded people, or in the things that you really want for yourself and your future!
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: “Take care of yourself!” Mother’s Day is a great day to remind each of us that “mothering” is an age-old practice. And while one woman may be have brought you into this world (and maybe even another brought you up)…all that she taught you, good and bad, instructs how you carry and deliver yourself your entire life! If Mother’s Day is a struggle for you — do what you need to do to take extra special care of yourself this year!
And take care of others, too — because everyone needs a mom sometime!
Spread Happyness — share your thoughts in the comments!
Week #294 – Mother’s Day is May 10th! (And here are a dozen ideas that DON’T involve reservations!)
Greetings Tribe — and Happy May!
This is my yearly PSA from Week #85 to remind those of you who are celebrating Mother’s Day this year:
PLAN AHEAD!
But this year, it’s different! VERY DIFFERENT!
Because you probably won’t be able to just pick up the phone to make a reservation. So I’m reminding you NOW to take a moment to think about what the ladies in your life REALLY want.
(Seriously…take a moment!)
And I’m not talking about jewelry or clothes, purses, or perfume either — since a lot of retail is still closed, shipping times may be long, and money may be tight.
When I polled over 50 ladies in the week prior to my original post, I asked them:
What do you REALLY want but are afraid to ask for?
The answers may or may not be surprising — but one thing is for sure: very few of them can be purchased at the mall or served in a restaurant.
(Which is a good thing…because those may not be options for you this year.)
Mother’s Day is one of the most stressful days on the calendar in a normal year…but this year might make it even more stressful. Please listen to me…this is NOT THE YEAR to make last minute plans or hope your favorite restaurant is open (and available) in time. If the lady in your life LOVES to dine out, check to see if they offer a special to-go menu or buy a gift certificate for a later date.
(But if that’s the case, you’ve probably already done that!)
If not, take heart — and listen to what REAL MOMS told me they REALLY want on Mother’s Day:
For Starters – Extra Sleep: this may mean sleeping in, a nap during the day, or an undisputed and early lights-out. Most of all — moms want sleep! (Especially moms who’ve been busy unexpectedly homeschooling their kids!) – Time Alone: moms have a difficult time asking for this because they love their families — but next to extra sleep, all moms expressed some desire for time alone to read, watch TV, swing in a hammock, putter in the garden, work on a project, or just finish their morning cup of coffee. From just a few extra minutes of solitude to 48 hours away from home — moms want a little time that’s all their own! (A super nice bonus for moms who’ve been on top of their families since mid-March.) – Peace & Quiet: over and over again, moms longed for a day of no fighting, fussing, stress, or strife. This is a good day for kids to practice their best behavior (dads too!).
The Main Course – Spa Service/Pampering: Meals are big part of any occasion — but most moms I polled want some sort of pampering. A massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, or full service — ladies love to be pampered. This year that may mean a gift-certificate…but it will be a welcome spa-day when it happens! (Just be sure to find out her favorite places — or get a recommendation from a friend!) Or get creative and have the kids turn the house into a spa for the day! – Special Dinner at Home: The year I took this poll, most moms said they’d prefer to eat a meal at home — they just don’t want to be responsible for planning, preparing, and cleaning up after it! If you decide to treat mom to a home-cooked feast — just be sure you are prepared to take care of everything right down to taking out the trash (and if you order out, order early)! Cleaning up someone else’s mess is not a gift! 😉 – Time with Family: I know, I know — moms said they wanted time alone, right? Well, they also want time with their families. Just gathering everyone under one roof, for one day, could make your mom’s year! (This is an obvious long shot this year…but I left it in because there are all kinds of new ways to “gather”…maybe a Zoom call is in order!) – Gardening & Yard Supplies/Help: Several moms mentioned gardening and yard supplies, and a little help getting things done! One of the most entertaining accounts was of a family that gathered to weed and plant while the mom sat in a chair and gave instructions! – Stuff: A hammock, flowers, something pretty, something tasty, a movie night, or a scuba diving excursion later in the year when travel is back to normal — there is still a desire for presents, but not always the ones you’d expect! (Don’t be afraid to ask!)
SWEET STUFF – Handmade Cards/Projects from Kids: Above all, moms cherish those little creations made by tiny hands! Engage the kids in a project for mom (preferably while they are out of the house so mom can read, sleep, pamper, putter, or binge watch her favorite show in silence!) – Loving Note from Husband/Significant Other: Several moms mentioned that they love to hear from their husbands/partners on Mother’s Day. Just a few words of acknowledgment and appreciation go a long way (but not always all the way…so no strings attached guys, okay?). – A Simple Thank You: Two words that mean more than anything money can buy!
EXTRAS: It’s hard to make a list of things NOT to do — but over and over again, moms expressed the desire for a day that included: – No Chores (ideally done for her, not left for Monday morning!) – No Decisions (mom might like someone else to take the reins today) – No Requests (a day without question marks would be delightful) – No Fighting (for one day, please! You can do this!)
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Mother’s Day is May 10th! Do you know what the mom in your life REALLY wants? Use this list to jump start the conversation! Present her with a home-made menu of options and have her circle her favorites. You might even be able to multi-task to make sure she gets a little of everything she wants throughout the day. The most important thing, especially this year, is to PLAN AHEAD! Please don’t leave it to the last minute. You have a week!!!
And if it is a restaurant meal — please place your order now (and be sure to take care of the staff that takes care of you… chances are it’s their Mother’s Day too.)
Above all: Remember that Mother’s Day is available every day — not just once a year!
[A big THANK YOU once again to all the Dreamers & Builders who took the time to respond to my original poll — and whose honest sharing made this post possible!]
Spread Happyness — PLAN AHEAD! And share your Mother’s Day ideas for THIS YEAR in the comments!
PS: I realize that for some, Mother’s Day is not always the happiest of holidays — and this year may even complicate it further. Death, disagreements, disconnection, or decline can bring about mixed emotions. If this is you, you are not alone. Many women reported similar feelings in a normal year, let alone a pandemic. Their advice? Seek refuge in the comfort of safe friends, the company of like-minded people (while physical distancing, of course!), or in the things that you really want for yourself!
As talk turns to re-opening America, I want to take a moment to publicly thank everyone working on the front line during our current health crisis.
And I mean Ev-ery-one.
There are too many professionals to name…too many “essential” workers to list.
You know why? Because we’re finding out…you’re all pretty darned essential.
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: Thanks to Everyone on the Frontline! While many of us are able to stay “safe at home” — many others continue to go to work in the face of uncertain or even questionable conditions. As you are out and about this week, consider those you encounter who are still showing up to serve you — and be sure to thank them for being there.
(And if you are considered “essential” — I’d love to hear how people are appreciating you!)
Spread Happyness — Thanks to Everyone on the Frontline!
Greetings Tribe — Happy (and Healthy) Friday to you all!
There’s a lot of talk about re-opening America…getting adults back to work, getting the kids back to school, and getting the economy up and running.
And while there is plenty of debate about how that will happen and what that will look like…everyone seems to agree on one thing:
Things will not be going “back to normal.”
Here in Los Angeles we’re already seeing new versions of what normal might look like: limiting patrons in stores, continued physical distancing, and the wearing of face coverings and gloves out in public.
It’s a great time to consider what our individual “normal” looked like before mid-March…and how much of that we want to keep in our “new normal” post-shutdown.
What is it that you miss most about your “old normal?”
What is it that you DON’T miss at all (be honest)?
What things do you wish you had in place when we went into shutdown?
What is your plan to make sure you bring these with you into your “new normal?”
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Re-Define “Normal.” Most of us have been in shutdown for over a month already. It is inevitable that things will re-open…and it’s probably going to happen sooner than we know it. When you’re finally given the green light to go back to work, back to school, or back to whatever it was you were doing before…what about this shutdown do you want to take with you into your “new normal?”
This is a question we hear in passing every single day (How are ya? How ya’ doing?) — but few people really intend to get an answer. As many of you know, my brother Rob was not a casual question asker-er. When he asked you something — he meant it. He wanted to know the answer — and he was prepared to take the time to get it. He wasn’t afraid of an honest answer either. In fact, he seemed to delight in it! I’d venture a guess that much of the happiness in our individual relationships with him was built on this kind of ease and honesty. It is one of the things I selfishly miss the most.
My Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: How are you doing out there? (For real!) Are you keeping it together? Falling apart? Feeling overwhelmed? Sad? Angry? (That would be me on occasion!) Have you figured out a way to start something new in this “new normal” — or are you struggling to just get your pants on in the morning? Is there anything I can do to help or encourage or celebrate with you? Because…and this is true…I believe in you!
Spread Happyness this week…and tell me how you’re doing!
Week #290 – Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders!
Greetings, Tribe — Happy and Healthy Friday to you All!
I have to be honest…I had my choice of two posts this week. My first one was dark. Never before (I thought to myself) could I remember starting a month and not knowing how it would end…
…except then I remembered September 2001.
…and April 2014.
We are living in unprecedented and uncertain times. We don’t know how this month will end. What life will look like. Or how we will get back to “normal.” (Whatever “normal” will be from now on.)
But one thing is for certain…the time will pass, and each day we will make a decision:
To spread fear…or to Spread Happyness.
I deleted my first post and took my own advice instead:
MY Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders! I want to thank all of you who are using social media to Spread Happyness during this incredibly stressful and uncertain time. Those who are trying to ease the tension, lighten the burden, or loosen the fear…if even for a moment (or a meme)! You are the candles for others when their own lights fade or flicker…thank you for keeping it positive, keeping it real, and for keeping the laughs coming!
Spread Happyness — Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders!
