This is a question we hear in passing every single day (How are ya? How ya’ doing?) — but few people really intend to get an answer. As many of you know, my brother Rob was not a casual question asker-er. When he asked you something — he meant it. He wanted to know the answer — and he was prepared to take the time to get it. He wasn’t afraid of an honest answer either. In fact, he seemed to delight in it! I’d venture a guess that much of the happiness in our individual relationships with him was built on this kind of ease and honesty. It is one of the things I selfishly miss the most.
My Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: How are you doing out there? (For real!) Are you keeping it together? Falling apart? Feeling overwhelmed? Sad? Angry? (That would be me on occasion!) Have you figured out a way to start something new in this “new normal” — or are you struggling to just get your pants on in the morning? Is there anything I can do to help or encourage or celebrate with you? Because…and this is true…I believe in you!
Spread Happyness this week…and tell me how you’re doing!
Week #290 – Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders!
Greetings, Tribe — Happy and Healthy Friday to you All!
I have to be honest…I had my choice of two posts this week. My first one was dark. Never before (I thought to myself) could I remember starting a month and not knowing how it would end…
…except then I remembered September 2001.
…and April 2014.
We are living in unprecedented and uncertain times. We don’t know how this month will end. What life will look like. Or how we will get back to “normal.” (Whatever “normal” will be from now on.)
But one thing is for certain…the time will pass, and each day we will make a decision:
To spread fear…or to Spread Happyness.
I deleted my first post and took my own advice instead:
MY Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders! I want to thank all of you who are using social media to Spread Happyness during this incredibly stressful and uncertain time. Those who are trying to ease the tension, lighten the burden, or loosen the fear…if even for a moment (or a meme)! You are the candles for others when their own lights fade or flicker…thank you for keeping it positive, keeping it real, and for keeping the laughs coming!
Spread Happyness — Cheers to all the Happyness Spreaders!
Week #289 – Back to Basics: Stay Healthy and Stay Connected!
Greetings Tribe — and Healthy Friday to you all!
(I’m changing my usual greeting to “Healthy” because that’s what’s top of mind right now.)
As social distancing measures increase throughout the country and more cities go into “lockdown” mode — our body language, voices, and verbal communication skills are being brought to the forefront.
Texting and GIF’s just aren’t enough for this. We need to see people, to look at their faces, to hear their voices, to feel their spirit.
There are many statistics that argue how much of communication is verbal versus physical…I’ll leave that to you to Google this morning. Most agree that more than half of our communication is in body language alone. And even more is in other non-verbal cues.
But we don’t need a study to know that. Anyone who’s ever lived or worked with another human being long enough knows: it’s not always what we say, but HOW we say it — in tone, body posture, and a little eye-roll here and there!
Its a good reminder that Happyness isn’t spread by big effort or rocket-science…it’s in the most basic of communication. And it’s ours for the giving…any time…free of charge. Especially at a time such as this. We just need to count to four:
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: BACK TO BASICS! It’s very easy to shrink back from everyone and isolate ourselves in fear — or skip the basics and get right into the issues that are top of mind right now (there are SO MANY!). And while both instincts are certainly valid — they aren’t always the things that connect us. (And in some cases, they might actually threaten to divide and separate us.) So as you continue to both ground and distance yourself this week (all while adjusting to ever changing news and updates) — remember to CONNECT with those you encounter and count to four first…smile, wave, say hello, and ask “How are you doing?”
Spread Happyness — Stay Healthy and Stay Connected!
“There are two ways of spreading light…” (Edith Wharton)
Week #288 – Just Spread Happyness
Greetings Tribe:
Last week I said some weeks are happier than others…well, these are some dark times.
I’d normally be writing about the Spring Equinox right about now…in fact, it was today at 8:50p PT. The earliest vernal equinox in more than a century.
But no one noticed. And no one cared. Because at about the same time, California was issuing a state-wide “safer-at-home” mandate. Which is a fancy way of saying, “shelter in place.”
New stats today predicted that more than 50% of Californians will become infected with the Coronavirus in the next eight weeks. The “safer at home” order is a desperate attempt to slow the progress so that everyone doesn’t become sick at once and overwhelm our hospitals.
On one hand, I’m glad we’re starting now. The sooner we start, God willing, the sooner we come out the other side…healthy.
In the meantime, like most of you, I’ve suddenly found myself spending more and more time on social media. So many people are complaining about the news…but honestly, it’s my NEWSFEED that brings me down the most. We know the media is selling commercial airtime…but what are YOU selling?
Tomorrow, I’ll regain my bearings. For tonight I just want to say: Spread Happyness.
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Just Spread Happyness. Think before you post. There’s the old adage: “Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?” But also, is it hopeful? Helpful? Happy? There is an Edith Wharton quote I used frequently after 9/11:
“There are two ways of spreading light…to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it.” (Edith Wharton)
Spread Light, Spread Love — and for everyone’s sake please, Spread Happyness.
St. Patty’s Day Smiles Ready to Go! (photo credit: Renee Eisman; used with permission)
Week #287 – Help “Bring Smiles to Seniors“
Greetings Tribe!
Some weeks are happier than others. And this is a very difficult time for many of us. We are separated…from work, from school, from our places of worship, our families, our routines, our ability to travel, and from each other.
And one of the saddest cases of this is in nursing homes and other care facilities, where families are being told to refrain from visiting elderly relatives who are most at-risk for infection. (Source: CDC)
But one ray of light sprang to my mind: Renee Eisman, and the Bring Smiles to Seniors organization (founded by Jefferson, NJ native Ron Tyson).
I didn’t have time to interview Renee again for an update on her current activity…but I know as Mail Program Manager, her leadership and rallying of “Card Angels” is going to keep a lot of seniors connected at a time like this.
Here’s a reminder of how it all began…and a challenge to support her and her fellow card makers and senders at this critical time.
Week #117
During 2016’s Ten Weeks to Happyness, I shined a spotlight on Hopatcong, NJ native Renee Eisman — who is the Mail Program Manager for Bring Smiles to Seniors. “Bring Smiles” is a non-profit in Odessa, FL that works with schools and organizations to decorate cards for seniors that are in nursing homes, assisted living facilities, and homebound.
Their motto is “One card, one smile at a time.”
Renee’s story began a few years before that — when she first moved to Florida. “I fell and hit my head two months after relocating.” Renee suffered a subdural hematoma (bleeding of the brain). Surgery and recovery followed. “I never really had the chance to look for work.”
So Renee started mailing cards and letters to friends and family — to pass the time.
It wasn’t too soon after that Renee crossed paths with Ron Tyson (founder of Bring Smiles to Seniors) and joined the Bring Smiles team, working up to sending 150/200 cards per month in 2017…and up to 250 cards per month in 2018!
And when I checked back with Renee in December of 2018, she not only met her goal — she blew past it! 3,000 cards and still counting at the time of that post!
Bring Smiles operates 100% on donations for all expenses and supplies to keep their program going. If you are interested in donating cards, postage, or supplies — or decorating and sending cards by yourself or with your group/organization — here’s everything you need to know:
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: Help BRING SMILES TO SENIORS! Visit “Bring Smiles to Seniors” on the Web or on Facebook to find out how you can donate postage, send supplies, or support their mission to send “Happy Mail” to seniors, shut-ins, or children in need. Look for the pinned post entitled “HOW TO PARTICIPATE” — or reach out to Renee at the contact info below. Above all, set your own goal of sending “HAPPY MAIL” in 2019 — and send smiles, “one card at a time!”
Spread Happyness — send a smile! BRING SMILES TO SENIORS!
Springtime at the Jersey Shore (photo credit: Grace Church)
Week #286 – Happy March! (And Cheers to New Beginnings!)
Greetings — and Happy March!!!
While some of you may still be buried in snow, it’s good to remember that Spring is right around the corner:
Daylight Savings Time begins this weekend
The Vernal Equinox is on the 19th
And the first day of baseball season is on the 26th
They all arrive this month!
Which has me thinking about this photo of the first sight of crocuses popping through the mulch at the Jersey Shore…and a post I wrote in April 2015 (Week #27).
In that post, I recalled a phrase that Rob used to say to me: “Let the balloon go, Grace.” He was talking about worry (and sometimes needling me about my stuff) — but it has stayed with me as I look around at the things I’ve held on to, the time it has taken to think about it all, and the time it will take (either now or later) to “do something” about it. Even if that means ultimately just throwing it away.
And once again, as I approach the anniversary of our sudden move to Los Angeles four years ago…I’m forced to evaluate how far I’ve come, where I’m going, and what might be standing in my way. Including those unpacked moving boxes!
I’ve made some significant progress this year with my decluttering — but there is still so much past to face in those boxes. As I’ve written before, it’s hard to hold on to the past and grab on to the future at the same time. But after four years now, even I know there is no going back. Only forward. And that’s going to require a lot more letting go!
Do you have things that you are holding on to that might be holding you back? Is it emotional clutter — like anger, resentment, grief, loss, a mistake, a regret, a secret, or simply a missed opportunity you are punishing yourself over? Or maybe it’s physical things that are standing in your way? Or a toxic relationship that is stealing your joy?
Your Happyness Challenge for the week ahead: To New Beginnings! March is a great time to open up space for new possibilities! This month — join me in releasing whatever is holding you back. Clean it out, declutter it, give it away, let it go. Find a release ritual to help you “let those balloons go” and open your hands to what’s possible. Here are some ideas:
(But whatever you do PLEASE DO NOT release real balloons into the air…they are only a metaphor! And otherwise very bad for the environment!)
Write it down – then burn it (safely please!), flush it, float it out to sea, send it down a river, sink it in a lake, or bury it in your garden. Write your NEW intention on a fresh piece of paper and keep it front and center as something for you to build on, rather than something that tears you down.
Throw/Give it away – in past decluttering sessions, I’ve found it helpful to keep a tally of how many items I’ve thrown away, and in some instances even take photos of those items (and share them only with the closest of friends or small group).
Love it — enough to let it go! Sometimes the last thing we need to do to release something is to love it, to accept it, to acknowledge its importance, and to be honest about its role in our future.
They say to love something is to set it free. I remind myself of this over and over as I sometimes grasp too tightly to things past. I know full well I must open my hands so that they are free to do my best work: the work ahead of me. The work of Happyness!
What do you need to let go of so that your hands are free to do YOUR best work?
Spread Happyness — and share your Release Rituals in the comments!
[This post is a call back to Week #24 — which honors and remembers Gregory Pellinger, a Hopatcong High School student who lost his life in a motor vehicle accident five years ago in 2015.]
Week #285 – Keeping it “Shiny side up!”
I had someone ask me this week how I stay so positive.
My answer is…I don’t.
I’ve been through enough to know that bad things happen. Period. Doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or a bad person. So if a day is a pretty good day…then it sure makes sense to make the most of it, because the shit may hit the fan tomorrow (and I’ll wish I had today’s worries back instead!).
“Keep it shiny side up.”
My brother, Rob, taught me to ride a motorcycle. He was a great teacher and a very careful rider: never sloppy, cocky, or reckless. He knew full well the dangers associated with riding…and he always said to me in a somewhat serious tone whenever we’d head out: “Keep it shiny side up, Grace.”
As so it is with life. There are two sides to every event. There is the dark side, the gritty and very real underside, the side where the rubber meets the road. But there is a shiny side, too. The upside. The majestic and beautiful side.
In the wake of bad news — I find myself watching for the outpouring of love and support (and leadership) that inevitably follows. The leadership I witness — whether it be students, teachers, friends, family, or community — is always the shiny side of an event.
While one family mourns…many move in to help. While friends struggle to understand…others show strength. While a town comes to its knees in grief…a community carries it through.
I know this to be true myself. I’m reminded regularly of what it meant to me and my family to have an entire town stand with us when the unthinkable, the unbearable, and the still unbelievable happened.
And I know full well what it might mean to other families in the wake of a loss or shock of bad news.
“Keep it shiny side up” acknowledges the darkness…but insists on the light.
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: When faced with a situation or event that seems negative, bleak, or dire — make a conscious effort to find the shiny side, as well. Is there an opportunity for strength, for a challenge, for organization, for leadership, for a fresh idea, or for something only you can uniquely offer? Be part of the solution…and “keep it shiny side up.”
Is a bad situation calling YOU to shine your brightest this week?
Spread Happyness — and share your thoughts in the comments!
Week #284 – What difference does 15 minutes make? (Check out this math!)
Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!!!
Earlier this week, I was reminded of the “cumulative effect” of time. It was something I first heard Jess Itzler (Marquis Jet, Coconut Water, Living with a Seal) talk about last year.
And I feel like it’s worth mentioning again…because time is our greatest non-renewable asset. It is, simply put, life itself. And we can use it — or lose it — fifteen minutes at a time.
What difference does 15 minutes make? Keep reading…and find out!
In Jess’s instance, he was talking about how getting up a few hours earlier for over a decade has added a few extra “years” of effort overall to his life.
I know, I know…another uber-successful entrepreneur talking about how early he gets up! But then I started to do the math using only 15 minute increments:
15 minutes a day, times six days a week, is an hour and a half.
In one month, that’s a total of six hours (roughly…please don’t muss my math!).
In three months, that’s 18 hours.
In six months, that 36 hours (or three 12-hour days).
In a year — that’s SIX (very long and very full) DAYS.
SIX DAYS!!!
The math blew me away! Imagine what we could accomplish in 12 hours straight for six days in a row. Now imagine there’s no rest breaks. No reprieve. How much would we really get accomplished?! And how exhausted might we be?! And, maybe more important, what could we do with that six days each year instead?!
What if we doubled it to a half hour (two full weeks a year)? Or an hour (four full weeks a year)?
Many of us (myself included) long to take a full week (or month) off to devote purely to a project, to ourselves, or to someone or something outside ourselves. If that seems a little out of reach right now, think about how you might achieve the same result in smaller, daily bites of time. It really does add up!
After all…you’re spending it anyway!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead:What difference does fifteen minutes make? You do the math! Think about a project, person, or purpose that you wish you could devote an entire week of your year to…then consider where you could find just fifteen minutes (within your day as it exists right now) to chip away at that dream!
PS: This also means that every fifteen minutes we waste on a daily basis (oversleeping, scrolling, arguing, complaining, engaging in the unwin-able, or otherwise beating my head against a wall) adds up to one full week of my year…of doing NOTHING productive or in particular. If we wouldn’t spend a week doing it, why spend even fifteen minutes? 🙂
SpreadHappyness — spread it out (fifteen minutes at a time)!
I’m running out of daylight here on the West Coast and I was looking back at some favorite posts. I came across this one from Week #74...the week Spread Happyness was featured in a coloring book! So here’s a look back…and a little reminder:
I believe in you! (Now go encourage someone today!)
To recap: Spread Happyness was featured in a coloring book back in 2016. I had interviewed Scott Cuzzo of SpryMind in November 2015 as part of my “Happyness in Action” series. Scott spreads happiness by creating coloring books that are good for adults of all ages and genders. His most recent release at that time, “Believe!”, featured over two-dozen positive quotes and thoughts on the word “Believe” — including one from yours truly!
At the time of the release, I had been traveling for an entire month — away from home and my work routines. Stripped of all the things that were keeping me focused, busy, on purpose, and pleasantly distracted. I was left with an abundance of time to be out in the world, and honestly, it just made me miss Rob more!
It was enough to make me want to get back on a plane and head home.
But I made myself stay…reminded as I was in October that if I can sit with it long enough, there was presence in the absence. There still is. In every new experience, there is a painful reminder that he is gone for good. I cannot text him or call, cannot share the latest laugh, or ridiculousness, or Super Bowl commentary. Yet my relationship with him somehow continues.
Even five-plus years later.
It is a rock and a hard place. Which reminds me of the coloring page that Scott drew for my quote, and my own interpretation of his drawing. To me it was a rock — buried in a pile of other rocks — perhaps looking for a way out, or a way to the top, or encouraging another rock to do what seems impossible: BELIEVE!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead:BELIEVE IN SOMEONE!!! Rob loved to encourage people. Even if he didn’t always believe in himself — he always took time to believe in others. If you know someone who’s between a rock and a hard place — take time to say “I believe in you!” Send them a note, share this page, or sit down and color with them while they sort it all out!
And if it’s you that’s feeling discouraged this week…then this post is for you! “I believe in you!”
Spread Happyness…Encourage someone today! Share your stories in the comments!
(To learn more about Scott Cuzzo: visit him on Facebook (facebook.com/sprymind), browse his coloring books on Amazon, or contact him directly at scott@sprymind.com.)
Week #282 – It Takes 30 Seconds to Change the World: Smile, Wave, Say Hello, and Ask “How are you doing?”
Greetings Tribe — and Happy Friday!
It’s the first Friday in February — and Rob’s birthday month — so I’m going back to basics and revisiting the everyday, ordinary stuff so many of us continue to miss the most about him: his big wave that you could see from a mile away, his voice and unique way of saying hello, his easy smile and laugh, and his genuine interest in hearing how a person was doing (even when it wasn’t great).
I was reminded of these basics this past week when an acquaintance from home posed an interesting question on Facebook:
"If someone gifted you $5.6 million dollars 💸but you HAD to use it for a 30-second Super Bowl 🏈commercial, 🖥what would you say?" (Megan Faulkner - Director of Student Ministries, Ocean Grove Church)
As answers started rolling in about world peace, feeding the hungry, saving the animals, and living like Jesus — I thought of the other people in that imaginary room. So much of our current culture (and political climate) is stealing away our attention from INSIDE our four walls. My thought: turn to the people in the room with you and look them in the eye, tell them you love them, share a laugh, a joke, a smile, a hug, call them by name — just SEE them and give them the most valuable thing you have to offer at any given moment: your attention.
Which reminded me that Happyness isn’t rocket science…it’s in the most basic of things. And they are all ours for the giving…any time…free of charge (no $5.6M price tag here)!
Your Happyness Challenge for the Week Ahead: GET BACK TO BASICS! It’s very easy to skip the basics and get right into the issues that are top of mind right now. And while those issues are valid and important and worthy of discussion — they aren’t always the things that connect us to the people nearest and dearest to us. (And in some cases, they might actually divide us.) So as you encounter others this week, remember to smile, wave, say hello, and ask “How are you doing?” Because it only takes 30 seconds to change the world: YOURS!!!
Spread Happyness — Get Back to Basics and Connect!
PS: Happy Birthday in Heaven, Bud! Every day that goes by only makes us miss you and love you more!!!
PPS: Thanks to Megan Faulkner for permission to share her post! Megan is a speaker, writer, and full-time ringleader to Ocean Grove’s favorite circus: Student Ministries! You can learn more about Megan at her website: www.meganefaulkner.com.
